Lost In Thots

too stressed

2006-01-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

Dear blog

Hahahah!!! How long never update. Haiya. Lemme continue.

16th of December, the day that my beloved grandmother left us peacefully. It was my first death experience. Unfortunately, I was at KL wen she passed away. Didnt manage to apologise to her, to see her and to kiss her for the last time. I wasnt there to be there for my parents n my siblings wen they cried, esp my mum. I know it hurts her so much. Well, I managed to kiss my grandma in my dreams. I missed her so much. Last two nights, I cried in my sleep. Gonna miss her love, her hug, her warm kiss on my cheeks... It hits me that she's not gonna be here with us anymore. Instead, she will be looking down at us from the heavens above. Many times, I think about her and send my 'al-fatihah' to her. After prayers, pray to Him to rest her soul inpeace, forgiver her sins and be gone to a better place. Partlt, its ok if He would take her with him cos He love her more than us. Furthermore, she had been suffering with her illness for these few years and I definitely sun want her to suffer no more. Pity my grandad. For now, I kow that he is alone and he miss my grandma. They had always been there for each other for so many years. I want my grandad to be happy again. Haiz. During Hari Raya Haji, we visit him. The atmosphere in the house is so different without my grandma around. He cried after the maghrib prayers when he 'takbir' after that and my dad joined him too.

Some good things have changed my family. Somehow, I guessed, my mum's prayers have been answered: which is for my dad to change. I thank God for that. He started to pray every day. I cried happy tears wen it happens. When all of us is in the house, the whole family will pray together for maghrib and send 'Yasin' to my grandma. I am so proud of my father. He had made a tremendous change. Very very proud. I noticed his attitude changed to. He become more patient nowadays.

Alhamdullilah! God gave me the strength to move on. For the past 2 months, I had no difficulties to wake up for Subuh prayers and I had been praying five times every single day wen Im at home. My mum said, Alhadullilah! One of the reasons for me to do so, was because of my grandma and many of the reasons is because I wanted to do it at my own will and sincerity. The peace was great. Indescribable. Everybody can change to the better but it's only a matter of time. My mum always say. Have all the fun if you want to but don't leave the simple task that God ask you to do. He moved me.

My mum just got retrenched. I got a bit panicked & a bit stressed up for awhile. But in the afternoon juz now, she was called up for an interview on her previous workplace. She called and tole me she got it and she started her training juz now. ThankGod! My dad is still at Shop N Save, doing night shifts. Doing fine. Jun is still schooling n currently not working. If can, I want her to take a part time job and earn her own money. She's a bit choosy about jobs. Cant force her. Fadzil is happy in his new school. Glad that he gt a nearby schol. Dilah is doing ifne in school. Bz with her band and her ACS thingy. She said she have to go for TAF club cos seriously, she's growing. She couldn't control her meals sometimes. My dad got a nickname for her. 'Penyu'. Cos cant really see her neck, its shrinking! Hahahah!! I guess she's growing and very soon, maybe, she's gonna get her menses. Just look at the way she eats. Im very stressed about money. Nothing new right? Gepeng. Kering. Broke. Haiz! So guys, if wanna ajak lepak or nak gi warung and I say cannot, undastand undastood aite. Btw, cut my hair short oredi and its rebonded. Thought after cut hair, throw 'suay'. New 'suays' keep on soming in. Haiya! Sabar Aida!

On monday, my first midnite shift after so many months. SO Syiokkk!! Midnight at T1DT, time run fast sia. Tup Tup! *o'clock oredi. hahaah! N yeah, Yuhanis got a job at Swensens. Happy for her. Go get some experience. Dun be such a lazy bum, doing nothing. Her comment was, its tough. Hahah!!! Better get use to it, sista!

..:: Insyallah, having a family pit next Sat & Sun. Will update.

..:: Cut my hair oredi! Haha!! I like it. My mum say i look like a boy. That was such a turn off. But I got lotsa compliments abt it. Hehe!

..:: Money! Money! Money! where's da money!

..:: This Sat is my grandma's 40th day that she left us. Gona do a kenduri for her.

..:: If all is good, im gonna have a double date this SUn. Hahah!!! Will update again.

..:: So So So proud of my dad. A Little change can make a HUGE difference.

..:: Miss my grandma so much!!

Adios Amigos!!!

~~ ms Aida~~

HI!!!

2005-11-29T09:42:00.000-08:00

A big HI to mr blogger here. Hw u Doing? Good? I'll sweep up the dust n cobwebs, no worries. *cough*cough*.... Hahahahaa!!! Ive not been blogging for so many months man. So many months!!

Hmmm.... wad is there to tell. So far, my life has been pretty much the same. Still looking for full time job, still doing my part time job. My dad had been working at Shop N Save for a few mths oredi, n we r doing well. Not SO well, but we r settling down slowly. Glad tt thgs work out fine. N moz probably me n my homies will be moving to Elias Road. Quite near not that far from my current place. But we will be moving to my aunts' plc, so she's moving sumwhr else. I can wait for that now cos i really luv my current home now, not so sunyi, no worries abt me going home so late thoh. hehe!!

I met kak elly juz. Its been after 2 mths since i've met her. Its so nice to see her thoh. Miss her deeply. We were talking a bit on some hot topics (hahha!!) Cant really talk with her so much cos she's working. Kak, we should meet up sumtyme next week, juz the 2 of us. Set? I guess we still have loads to talk abt. Furthermore, she watching 'ayam kechik' with jeryl. So, i told her i go off first. wakakka!! (u noe y la kak eh!)

Oh yeah, my bro got his PSLE results oredi. the aggrigate is not that good thoh. He's going in Normal Technical. Im juz grateful that he will be able to cont to secondary 1. Alhamdulilah! I wont ask for much. But my advise to him is to improve on the grades for sec 1 or sec 2, so that there will be hope to cont to Normal Acad. Juz for 2 yrs, study hard. Prove to my parents that he can go further n he knows his own responsibilities, cos i told him, all in all, its for his own good. Talking abt him, will be going to Esplanade tmrw w him to meet up w a bunch of dancers for sum dance meeting or practice. According to him, this group will be performing for Dancework 2006. Im not sure if i wanted to join onot, but my bro had been bugging me to join. I see first la ah. There's like, 13 to 15 members in the group, but i guess only selected members will be dancing for the Dancework 2006. I cant wait to see how the group will be like ltr. A bit nervous cos i duno anybody in the group. Dun feel like gg oso. But wen there's the opportunity, grab it. Hahahah!!

Quite recently, im feeling a bit shitty, about the job that i juz get. My job scope is to do the stocks for this particular company. I hate the job cos i think to me, the management sux. Wen i went to the counter, nobody told the staff that im new n they expect me to know many thgs. I dun mind the opening of boxes n taggings, but its so shitty wen u have to do the 35 cartons alone, have to stack up the boxes in the storeroom n sum oder shits. N im so damn pissed wen they put me in a storeroom, whr there's a few pakciks gatals in the room, looking at my every move. Furthermore, the damn company is making great money n they can onlyafford to put one Counter Support Staff for one outle. How lame is That?!?! The job is boredom n fucked up cos u gotta do everythg alone n u will be the most quietest creature of the entire shopping mall cos u r hoping to finish up Everythg b4 ur shift ends. Its pathetic man. My mistake was to sign a contract on my first day wen i started the job. My dad told me y is it that i have to sign a contract on the first day, cos usually its a few weeks or a mth or so, to make sure that the job is ok for u den u sign the contract. But this is diff. my dad told me wen he heard that i have to sign my contract on the first day of my job, he had a funny feeling. he said that this management really need ppl, so that means the job sux n not many ppl will last in that position for the company. Guess wad? the contract that i signed was for 1 year. Ive only worked for 2 days n ever since i had been MIA. I 'terminate' myself. Hahahaha!!! Im juz getting ready for the compensation. But wad the hell. Its not worth staying for but its worth to compensate for. Lucky its only 900 bux, n i have to pay back 40% to 50% of that. For sure, im not gonna make it for a year sei.

Emotionally, after wad happened abt this fucked up job, im so disappointed in myself. I feel so stupid, so gullible, so ashamed n so full of regret. Aku dengarkan ajelah ape si agency tu ckp, mcm budak pandai. I shlda listen to my dad. I shlda think hard hard abt it in the first plc. I blew it this time round. I feel so disappointed in myself cos i've disappoint my parents. I told them i will get a perm job to upgrade my salary n basically, to make them happy. But instead this is wad happens. Im so ashamed w all my frens, my family, my relatives cos i was SOOOO excited wen i got the job. BUt wad now? I quit the job, i resigned myself. Cos i hate it. I didnt even give myself 1 week to bear w it. Juz 2 days n the next thg i noe is, i went out to meet my frens the next day, cos the more i sit at home, i'll get more tense. Believe it onot, on my last day, juz after i left from work, i sat at Mac Shaw n juz brokedown. Alone. I kept n tearing till i was sobbing. Realli, man. Cos of wad im feeling emotionally abt the whole thg. Its juz a HUGE disappointment. Quite recently, wen i went out w my frens, i had a breakdown again, in frt of 3 of my buddies. they were consoling me n saying to take it positively, juz take it as a lesson learnt. So malu to cry in frt of dem. Hahahha!!! Thx loads guys! Lesson learnt: Dun trust agencies so much. U mite have a breakdown juz like mua. wakkakaka!!!!

The funny part is, my initial plan is to apply for Learn As You Earn, under ITE dis month, doing Operation Accomodation, n will be bonded w the company for 3 years. Is thinking of doing so cos its an easier to get another job but at the same time, i will gain more knowledge abt the job, cos i will be trained. N 2 of my fren was asking me, y do u have to accept this job from the agency wen u oredi noe wad to do to get a much better opportunity dis month. I look at them n i shrugged. Hahahha!!! Im a very curious person, so basically i wanted to noe how the job is like. But its so not cool to try it now cos its a 1 yr contract n im putting myself at risk. Ppl say, curiosity kill the cat. there i go... Juz got 'killed' by my curiosity. Padan muka gue!!

Do i find anybody special yet? No la... whr got. Ive not been blogging for so many mths oredi but im still the same person. n im still single n can mingle ard... hhahaah!! Good thg abt being single. Im loving it rite now. But... hmmm... i think i like someone la. Wont say whooooo... Hahahha. Fikiranla korang.

Selamat Ber-Guessing!!!

..:: Cant wait for chalet this sat, can see evrybody. Yippee!! ::..

..:: Hopefully my dad let me sleepover for sat cos i wanna ::..

..:: My frens, pls download Babyface, The Loneliness. Sedih giler. Boleh berlinang airmata ::..

..:: Same old story. Boy meets girl n she falls much harder than him. Haiz ::..

..:: Thinking of him ::..

~~ Ms AIDA ~~

fucked up

2005-07-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

hie. have not been blogging cos im lazy. so far, im doing fine for nw. n juz a little less down.

im totally fucked up nw. had a HUGE fight with my motherfucking snobby bitch sister. amazingly, she dare to use words wit me. She treats me like im her younger sister, there's totally no respect from her at all. She's not like any other girl i noe, not even my younger sister. I juz dunno whr she came from. So far, she's being the biggest bitch with all of us. i call her a bitch once to my fren. N my fren ask how can i say that. simply, i answered, cos she's one. she's obviously the one. she dare to spat filthy words at me, she dare to shout at me.To all the elder sisters in the world, do u mind having this kind of treatment from your younger sister? Do u even mind? this is the reason why i always keep myself quiet wen my sibs argue, cos i noe once i start wit her, its gonna be goddamn ugly. Very ugly. I dun usually flare. But if i did, its juz not a nice scene. N wen im angry wit her, esp her. My blood juz boils to the tip of my head. Many times i kept quiet, even thoh im angry. its hard. many times, i felt like slapping her, or throw her to the wall. many times i feel like spanking her till she bled. many times i feel like dragging her by the hair n throw her face in the mirror. I know, its horrid n gruesome n cruel. This is juz how much i accumulated my anger n patience wit her. everytime wen we argue, i told her if she get other elder siblings besides me, they will definitely do those cruel things to her oredi.

For all my 20 yrs, ive never seen a two faced person like her. She's very very nice to the people outside, e.g my aunts, uncles, cuzzins, her frens. Wah, she's like this angel who listens to them, if they ask a favor, she'll do. if only she's easy wit us. she seldom larf wit us, seldom share stuff wit us. many times, juz gv us her cold shoulders to us. sumtimes, wen we hv outings wit them, it juz hurts me to see tt she get along with the rest very well. wen my cuzzins ask quest, she'll reply nicely. but wen my sibs ask quest, she usually reply in a very harsh way. which to me is totally unecessary for her to do that. One THG which really triggers me is wen she put her hands onmy sibs. TT, i cant take it. once they start crying, i'll go up to her n start arguing. but if my parents are at home, i let them do the walking and talking. im angry but i wont do anythg. i'll juz sit back n enjoy the sounds of my parents giving some nice scoldings to her. she deserves that. everytime wen i argue wit her, she'll always say, its fadilah's or fadzil's fault. N i always say, so wad, she's the eldest n she should give in n ask her wad have i been doing all this years? n she'll always gv me da bitchiest response, itu kau punyer pasal la. I told her one reason i wanna go out is bcos of her. cos wen she's in the house, smthg is always wrong. her response was, itu kau punyer pasallah, kau memang irresponsible. See wad i mean? she dare to spat those words at me. I juz gt tt irresponsible part from her juz nw, i juz sat down n juz shake my head. i say, fine say wad u wanna sae. den, she'll gv me this bitch look n juz roll her eyes at me. feel like slapping her, rite? i notice fadilah is beginning to be like her n i definitely want a big Stop on that. bcos of her responses to fadilah, now she apply it to me or my bro. Gosh!! Wad da heck is happening? anyways, as usual, me n her started our huge fight cos i heard my sis crying. as usual, cant take it, so i do my thing.

im out....

~~ ms.aida ~~

hey...

2005-07-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

Allah selamatkan Fadzil.... hahhaha!!! it my bro's bday today n he's 12. he's a teen. damn!! n im no longer one. Anyways, wish him a very happy birfday n wish him all the best in his coming prelims n PSLE. *muackzzz* Actually his bday was yday, 11 July.

Anyway, i started my shift today, at 8 am, at Singapore Post. Guess who i saw!!!!! Sarah!!! hahaha.... i forgot she works dere. n her regular order is, white chocolate dream ice blended with a shot of espresso. she still look the same old sarah that we knew. Good ole Sarah!!

Last nite, to think of doing attachment at Sp was a big drag!! I dunno y, im like so not ready for it. Maybe have not been working there for 2 yrs plus, so partly juz a lil bit nervous. cos i dunno who im gonna work with n wads gonna happen. i only slept for 45 mins last nite sia!! Wad da hell!! Am i insomniac? I hope not. i gotta change my sleeping time soon. So, i went to work, feeling a bit sleepy n a bit queasy. Queasy cos a bit nervous. hahaha!! I thot i work wit Chandra, but i work wit Elsie, the AM there, wit a 2 staffs n a trainee. My day at SP turns out fine. Dunno wad am i dragging abt. Elsie is a nice person n she's fine to work with. She always smiles, also frenly. N on wed, im gonna work morn at SP wit her again.

Stocks in the morning wasnt tt bad. Not so many thgs like T2d. N i help them to unpack n top up the cakes n muffins. Half of the day, im like, bored, always searching thgs to do. sumore wit only a 45 mins sleep last nite, wd more can i get? hahaha... Wen Elsie told me to go for break, i didnt even eat, but only drink ice water. I have no appetite, cos by 12pm, im so sleepy. Before i start my shift again, i wash my face den feeling fresh again. Walking around to find things to do. At last, told elsie, i'll cut the papers for her cos there's no more papers. Half of the day, was kinda bored. till abt 1 wen ppl will start coming in for lunch or to juz get drinks. N i had been promoting the chocolate caramel cake... hahha!!! cos its nice la n i personally like it. Cannot eat too much, cos its sweet n i will be dizzy. So, ppl start coming in since till i end my shift at 4. I was the happiest girl in the outlet to go home early cos im SLEEPY!!! Dun get me wrong, it was fine at SP :D ( alot of stupid n silly thgs happen to me at the outlet cos lacking of sleep. ahahah!!! so nice of elsie n aisyah to undastand me.heheh!!) By the time i reach Pasir Ris interchange, i really cant open my eyes. i was zombified. even after my break, elsie told me i look stoned. hahha! N she keep on larfing at me, cos i think i look fani. ive bn trying so hard to keep a straight face but i cant la. LOL!! Cant help it if i look so stoned...

Reach hm at 5, didnt even shower, change to my shorts den sleep. Slept till 9. I woke up cos i was feeling hungry. I didnt eat the whole day but juz drink ice water. Tu pun, balik still 'buat business'. hhahaha!! I was damn hungry, but i shared my rice n fadzil n dilah. Talking abt food, today my mum cook a lil bit special cos its my bro's bday. she cook Nasi kuning with lauk ayam (dunno wad lauk is tt but its so freaking nicee!!!) n sambal goreng. Her famous sambal goreng!! Yummy...

Den, after tt, i juz thot tt i can get a peacful nite. All my siblings started to argue n quarrel. Wad da hell!! the 3 siblings.. first of all, i wasnt involved. but the second eldest, in the room, cant even used her freaking brain to not get involved in the quarrel. I noe once she's involved, thgs will get damn ugly. cos my younger sibs, dun like it, wen the argument involves her. She always put up this muthafucking stuck up bitchy attitude tt i dun like, infact many of us dun like. She even talks like a fucking bitch. Menyampah siak!! many times i cant stand her sia. Yday nn, she oredi nt in gd terms wit us. N my mum started to shout n scolded her. I cldnt stand it, lucky i went out to mit my frens last nn. Haiz... She is a BIG challenge to me, u noe. Bcos of her, i noe hw to be patient n ctrl my anger. So, there r pros n cons. Anyways, i will try to sleep early.. but dun think cn, cos i had my nap juz nw.

Im out...

~~ ms.aida ~~

bdae!!!

2005-07-07T03:17:00.000-07:00

Happy birFday to MEEEEEE!!! hahahhaha.... im oredi 20, n i sooooo cannot believe it. see how fast time flies!! my frt digit is now a 2, not a 1 anymore. teenage days r over. those r like my rollercoaster rides. lots of ups n downs n around n around. haiz...!!

irene n farid oredered a cake for me earlier n we had a small celebration at t1tw. it was pretty cute. we had to sing the birfday song so softly, cos we dun wanna get anyone's attention. hahahha. after i made my wish, i cut the cake to a very small square. n the best part is, within the small square, i cut them into tiny smaller squares n we shared them. we were larfing cos the cake is huge but we still cut into a smaller squares n divide them into 5. larfing n at the same time pop the cake in our mouth. ahhaha... chocolate butter... hmmm, nice!! but believe it or not, i only ate a bite cos its so damn sweet.. even kak nor ate a bite.lotsa icing!! irene, fauzi n farid ate a few more. gave sm to shareen n rodiVa, gave a bit more to Saleha n Gayathri n Salihin. i received sms from my frens wishing me hepi bdae. the moz unexpected person to wish me is (guys, believe it or not!!!) Bib!!! hahahha... n huda, thx for the sms... it so damn freaking lonngggg tt it continued to 5 times of sms... hahahah. Gal, i got a better idea. u cld write tt in my frenster. im so touched wit ur words, really!!! very2 touched. huda, u may be the quietest among us, but i really admire ur words or words of advise. maybe u didnt notice tt but Juz to tell u, it not only happen once or twice, in fact many times.wen da hell am i gonna get a real hug n kiss from u, man... hahhaha!

talking abt bib. dont noe whether u guys still remember fawie. she work at 7 -11 at airport again. in t1 transit. i saw her 3 days in a row. member keje mnite moz of the times. n she told me bib is joining her sumwhr next week at the same outlet. i guess we gonna see bib often in airport or once in a while. wen i see her, i think im gonna be a bit surprised. me n fawie were so surprised to see each other, n we like talk non stop, den she ask me this question which is kinda hard for me to answer, actually more to lazy la. hahah. she ask, eh korang semua maner menghilang sey? hahhaha.. i juz say we were bz n we were doing our own things, actually its more to eerrrr....eerrr.... hahhahaha!!!!

..:: im 20 today ::..

..:: pity shidah cos she wanna taste the cake, but wont c her till next week, i guess.. hehe ::..

..:: my sibs gave me bday cards n its so sweet n im like sighing. one of the card was written like dis:

S: So Kind

U: United

H: Happy

A: Always Grateful

I: Integrity

D: Dun be Angry...(this is farnie!!! hahaha..)

A: A nice person

H: Honest.... (im not TT honest)

to my adiks, i noe i nvr tell u all dis, but i really LUV u guys.. sob sob ::..

..:: Kakak really sayang U all ::.

~~ ms.aida ~~

i juz got back

2005-07-05T03:23:00.000-07:00

HELLO!! I juz got back from work. hehe... im too full. i ate roast beef sandwich at work. Sedappppppp..... Fuyo!!! Nice combi. Dijon sauce, lettuce, a few slices of roast beef, onion vinagrette n tomatoes. its delicious. been eating the sandwich for the past 2 days. i loike!

Juz now, i work wit kak nor. it was fun! juz the 2 of us, talking sum serious shit, at the same time, doing our jobs. tmrw, im gonna work wit her again, but she will be going back at 8pm. on wednesday, gonna see her again but she will only come at 8pm. she had been 12 hrs shift for the past 4 days. it was such a hectic. she worry too cos dun really have staff. sumtimes, a manager will be working alone. but she will try her best to get staff for her outlet.

at work, i ate roast beef sandwich twice. but the second time, i share wit farid. he juz started his shift, n he's oredi hungry. hahaha. den, da beef was expired last nite, so we had a roast beef fiesta at work. hahahha.. but i call it Deng Deng. hahhahaha... I scalded my hand juz now. it wasnt tt bad, but it juz gave me a moment of terperanjat, u noe. have not been scalded my hand for such a long time. Da kena, sedap dodz!! hahahha.. n hopefully, will not want that to happen again, no thank u. at least not so soon. hehe.

there's this ang moh customer who wanted to pay her latte with australian dollars. the amount will be abt abt AUS$4, by rite. instead, she gave me 90cents in SG, n da rest pay in Aussie. i cashed in 90 cents, n she have to pay me AUS$3.21. by rite, she have to pay AUS$4. at first she gave me AUS$3. after i cashed in tt, she only have to pay anoder 25 cents in SG. she's still fiddling her purse, n i told her, ma'am, its ok, i have 30 cents wit me, n i quickly took out from my pocket n put it in the cash register. she SAW wad i juz did n she insisted on giving me her remaining change, which consist of S$1.20 n AUS$1.20. i told her its ok, but she push the money to me. im like so malu!!! all kak nor did was juz larfing n smiling. hahaha.tts how much my 30 cents is worth for. tt was like wad? an instant karma. not to boast or wad, i did smthg nice to pay her extra change, n i got a nice gesture in return. Karma. i believe in that, ever since i noe the definition of it. i cldnt stop smiling after tt cos it happen instantly at the least unexpected times.

so, these r the thgs which happen to me at work today. i had fun at work. but i cldnt forget abt wad the ang moh juz did. its not abt her money, neither my 30 cents. Its karma. the highlighted event for the day. *smiles*

~~ ms.aida ~~

hi

2005-07-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

hello ppl!! im back!!! as u can see, i have not been blogging for such a freaking long time, cos im so damn lazy too... n another thg, i dunno wad to write. a lot of things is going on in my head, but wld like to keep it to myself, for this mintime. maybe, not necessary to write it in either. many thgs i keep to myself.

my dear peeps, do u guys think im secretive? always keeping thgs to myself? One thing which, raihan, my bestfren sumtimes cldnt tolerate is abt me juz keeping quiet, thoh i got lotsa thgs in my head. i really luv my bestfren very much, till now. thoh we seldom contact. she's such a good reader. juz by the tone of my voice, she noes tt smthg is going on. i was juz in my normal cheery tone, she'll be like, smthg bothering u? many times if i say no, she'll let me be. but sumtimes, she'll be pressing me with, 'r u sure, aida? u dun have to lie to me, u noe. i noe u too well.' She's gd!!! during our sec sch days, wen smthg bothers me too much, but im juz being my normal self. wen its juz the two of us in the bus, after our frens get down at their bustops or wad, she'll ask me, Wad now? hahhaha... she's smthg. i still luv her till today. i think nobody can ever replace her. n i learn alot of thgs from her too. juz the gd ones, but a few not so gd ones. did learn to be sarcastic from her. not many ppl know hw sarcastic i can be, cos i dun really show it. but wen it cums to raihan, wen she's not hepi, she really talk w/o beralas. we r both bestfrens with totally diff personalities. both of us work well together to maintain our frenship. hahhaha... we r both fun. she never judge me. a real definition of a best fren.

this past few days, ive been seeing ppl whom suddenly will juz pop up in my head. example, had been thinking abt Naz n wonder whr she had been n also how she is, a few days after, i saw her at work. hahhahaha. so far. i met my old times sec sch close buddies, even my ITE classmates n schoolmates. im so glad to see them, esp Is. didnt expect to see her at t2d. Nw, she's working as a service passenger assistant. Good luck la gerl! Saw Mini, my modern dance mate in ITE, nw works in Fish & Co. she's starting school oredi in lasalle, to pursue herself in some dance thingy. Proud of her, cos knowing tt her parents r strict n wld not allow her to expose herself too much. told me tt she been thru alot to persuade her parents to let her join the dance course. not only her, even the teachers in ITE, persuade her parents abt it. im very happy for her n i noe she wil work hard for it. dancing's her passion. Good luck to u gerl!! the other day, saw Akbar at work. wasnt very hepi wit him for the past few mths cos of sm things. i kinda lose my trust in him. but i thk now thgs r back to normal. im gonna forget abt wad happen n juz get on wit life. cos really, i think i gt more impt thgs to handle. its not tt i dun bother but if thgs can be solve, den solve it. end of story. he approach me, im talking to him den everybody's hepi. stoopid him, remind me of those embarrasing moments during my sec sch days, in frt of his gf. kanasai!!! im red n cant stop larfing. even his gf cant stop larfing. thanks, akbar...

this past few days, ive been working n working, if nt working, have been handling thgs at home. recently, one of my close aunt, passed away. da day b4, i wasnt feeling so well, but i still wake up the next morning to attend her funeral, n still went to work in da noon. im very sorry to my frens who tag me to chill or warungs, but i keep on kenseling cos i cldnt make it. im so so sorry!!! i have not been chilling wit u guys for like 2 weeks i guess... hey, i miss u guys u noe. a lot!!!

my dad juz bought a new TV, new speakers, exchange to a digital set top box for the new TV. we juz move the furniture ard n kinda like the new positions. i loike! wen im not working or after work, will usually watch TV or juz read my bk. I used to be a freaking bookworm before. den after tt, lose the interest temp, now back to a bookworm again. i enjoy reading books n i miss tt. n reason im always working is of cos, cash but i guess i wanted to be alone moz of my time. quite a number of thgs in my head. (wldnt disclose it yet, or maybe...NEVER... hahhaha!!) sumtimes, i wld drop by at cafe galilee in Pasir Ris library, sipping n juz reading or listening to my mp3. at work, ive got to be there n juz talk to my frens or anybody ard me cos i dun want them to ask, wads wrong wit u? r u ok? sm of my frens r smart, they noe im not TT ok, so they let me be. but smhow still talk to me, cos definitely im not NOT so hepi bcos of them. At home, i have my family wit me, so i defintely dun really have my time alone. Dun get me wrong. Nobody's at fault, really. No one to blame, cos my relationship wit everybody is OK. I need time to be alone. in fact, luv to be alone, but cant do too often. Need fun in my life too... i do hv fun at work, but sumtimes drag myself to work. n many times i juz dun wanna be at home. hehehe!!!

so far, im doing fine n im ok. im not lost, but sumtimes i juz think too much. hahhaha... pros n cons to that. sumtimes can be too engrossed in my thots. Tmrw work wit Kak Nor!!! YAY!!!

..:: i miss An, miss her with every fiber of my being. hahahha... (Rite!!) ::..

..:: i miss chilling wit my gerls ::..

..:: luv the way i am now, being single n all ::..

..:: there are so many things i wish i could tell. so many feelings. so many thoughts. but words on their own can cause many faults ::..

~~ ms. aida ~~

end of me

2005-07-03T01:16:00.000-07:00

hey
stay with me
as im getting naked
stripped down to the bone

hey
im afraid
this could get ugly
and i mite leave here alone

this is not a mistake
its a dawn of a new day
anything goes from now

this is the last of illusion
this is the final trace of innocence
if im caught, in the middle
i know it will be
the end of me

hey
talk to me
dont play me with your silence
whisper it in my mouth

this is not about hate
its a start of a new way
everything goes from now

this is the last of illusion
this is the final trace of innocence
if im caught in the middle
i noe it will be
the end of me.

~~ ms.aida ~~

im back!!!!.... im novocained

2005-06-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

im back!! ive not been blogging for quite sumtimes cos im plain lazy n many times i dunno wad to write thoh quite recently a few thgs had juz happened to me. sum thgs r not meant to be written in here. in fact many thgs! so, i prefer to keep it to myself.

Have u ever felt NUMB in ur life? Feeling of dont-bother n Numb is totally 2 diff thgs. tts wad i figure out lately. If u dun bother, u still noe that u dun bother. If u r numb, u dunno whether to be angry or sad or happy or excited. n da end of the day, u noe tt its juz u n ur body. nothing else. Recently, it happened to me in a few occasions. but its only for a few mins or hrs, den after tt, the thg which happen to you will hits u back. den suddenly u hv mix feelings all over! hhahhaahhaa... its pretty fani thoh. but its kinda freaky at the same time. if the thg which happens to me is sad, i will cry all over after tt, if its happy, i cant stop smiling. N da shitty thg is if im angry, i will still smile. hey, tts tough!!

the reason y i wrote abt this is cos juz last nite, my parents fought, not so bad actually, but i hate it. i really hate it. usually i felt angry or i will shed my tears secretly in bed, but yday, im NUMB. Really. All i noe is there's onli me, my body n the TV in front of me. a few mins later, den it hits me n im feeling so angry n sad at the same time. Get the picture??

Im out...

~~ ms aiDa ~~

sucky

2005-05-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

if u realise, everytime wen u read sumone's blog, its not always happiness. so, everyone's not perfect, even their life. i dunno y, im feeling sucky these past few days. reason being:

1) one of my very close kakak transfer to another outlet

2) i heard smthg from my outlet abt mr. jeremy

3) im having stomach cramps

4) i wanna write my resume, but dunno wen to start cos too busy... n im totally frustrated abt tt

5) im very worried abt thgs happening at home

6) smthg happen to Naz n Lam.... AGAIN!!

See wad i mean?!?! Too many thgs happening to me... i can get over wit a lot of thgs but i totally damn worried abt Prob number 5. Bcos i noe im gonna live wit it, but dunno till wen but will for quite sumtime. Maybe not a gd idea for me to disclose it in here... My probs wit the family not tt bad actually, can handle one. But everytime wen im hm from outings, im like, haizz... home again... Hahhahaha... n im not in my mood. its juz damn sucky.... maybe its my period la...

last sun, me n colleagues hv our early dinner at Swensens, a toast for Elly... hahhaha. Its kinda sad but im telling myself tt its ok... But i pity Ilah cos i think, for her, its pretty emotional cos she's leaving kopibin n she really treats elly gd. Den, we head to starbucks n chill till like 12 am... which is kinda cool... cos i dun wanna go back earlier... elly send us home after tt, den i went online for awhile, took my shower den went to bed..

Im working tmrw after like 1 week? hahaha.... cos not feeling well for the past few days...

shit

2005-05-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

mix feelings now. so angry, so sad!!! Fuck fuck fuck!!! I hate my life.... this week is damn pathetic for me, leading one thg to another. im juz a girl. shit....

hie hie~

2005-05-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

been a few days since blogging. not that im busy but i simply dunno wad to write, partly sumhow i think im afraid to write my deeper thoughts, (cuz I think i gotta kepp it to myself for now) afraid that people will know abt what im thinking, on the other hand, juz plain lazy, i guess.

Last nite, met my frens at Starbucks.We had not been chilling with each other for like 2 weeks plus and I had to say yesterday was a pretty short one. sorry guys, my mind was totally blank yday nite. totally switch off! Dunno y. Wen i reached Starbucks, saw an old good pal of mine, Shirin. i think i miss her n sum of my frens, i did not even let go of her hand. hahahaha!! Always saw her there w her frens, but never got the chance to chill with her.

Yday, I went outta my house at 1730, to go to the library. Firstly, i returned my sis library books, den borrowed books for myself. That's wen i met Huda first. Borrowed books using her library card. Thks! Den, outta da library by 7, accompany Huda to pay her bills, den get some oily greasy finger foods in Old Chang Kee. Yummy! Den, we went to Starbucks, ordered our drinks, n talk 'air'. hahhahah... A few mins later, Fanana came, followed by Rodi. We didnt have a lot to say to each other really. Heheehhe. Huda gotta be home by 2230, to get ready to work mnite. We accompanied Rodi to end her endless craving of air tebu. Weird... Den, after all left, i was left alone with Huda in her hs. Was reading my book borrowed from the library while she took her bath before heading to work. Accompanied her to her bustop, den it was my turn to head back to home sweet home. But all in all, its nice to see you all la...

This morn, went to work. Was attached to kiosk. Elly did double shift. She knew that i was working at kiosk today n the annoying and at the same time, funny part about her is, I received a call from her outlet, knew she is the one who call. Aida today u attached at my outlet. i was so damn happy. Kak, den who work at kiosk? Kira2 takde org keje kat kiosk la. ok, i didnt get that part. Wah, best nyer i keje t1dt wit you. Takdela, i main2 ajer. wakakakkakakak!!!!!!!! She bring my hopes so high up to more than cloud 9. Eh, thx... Early in the morning, got the nerve to disturb me wen all is a joke. Tts was pretty fani n cute too. Den, for the second time, my phone rang again, Elly called again to say, Aida, my production come oredi. Right! And, wad am i suppose to do again.... Hahahahah.... I think Elly is juz plain bored. Anyways, goodla, she make my day first thg in the morn. Thx to her i cant stop laughing in the bus. I think im the only cheery one in the bus wen majority of them in there is lazily dragging their butts off to work.

After work, follow kak mas and abg amir to T1K to see Aziah. Wah! Miss her la. so hepi to see her, but cant talk long la cos she is so busy. the crowd is not that bad this afternoon. Den, ate dinner w abg amir n kak mas at MacDonalds.... Had a few conversations. About us working less days n thot of quiting. the 3 of us we like, sighing all the time, cos we expect T2T to welcum us back, but to no avail, was told we lost the bid. really no mood to work. we thot wen T2T open, we all could be one big happy family again. Fat chance la.... C la how thgs are later, Dun feel like talking abt it. Den, we window shop the whole T1 transit area to look out present for my mum for Her Day n also a prezzie for one of my x classmate in ite bishan. Thot of getting sumthg, but in the end was nothing. i was so fickled w wad to buy. End up, the 3 of us went outta airport abt 2045 hrs. Reach home abt 9 plus. now, my feet n arms felt so weak. Work noon tmrw... ZZZzzzzz....

You Learn

2005-04-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

After a while , you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand
and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept ur defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With grace of a young woman and not the grief of the child
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
bcos tomorrow's ground is uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while you learn that you really can endure
And you really are strong and that you really do worth
And you learn n you learn
And w every goodbye
You Learn

sakit perut

2005-04-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

first of all, i would like to thank huda for letting me overnite at her place on tues, after chilling at starbux. thot of juz getting her novel to borrow, instead i was glued in her hs n juz bitching ard, cos tt is wad bitches do, u noe wad im saying? we had fun la. wen she found out tt i decided to stay, she cook some 'midnite snacks' for us. also, we were doing movie marathon, first we watch Meet The Fockers den The Pacifier. we onli watched The Pacifier halfway cos i saw a jigsaw puzzle n we were stuck doing the jigsaw. it was fun! it had been so long since i did jigsaw-ing.

ever look into someone's eye n thot tt someone may be a somebody to ya? it happen to me, like a few days back. but i was wrong. cos maybe wad we thot is not always true n tts the most saddest part. i've been telling myself not to fall for this someone cos its not rite. n maybe another reason, i dun wanna hurt myself anymore. n maybe another reson, tt someone is my goodfren's ex. ive not fallen for sumone seriously for quite sumtime. n now, that sumbody is like a nobody to me. wait... tt sumone is still my fren. wen he told me he went back to his x, in my heart i was like huh? cos he said he dun wanna go back to his x. i put on my mask n pretended to be hepi for him n cheer him up. Lame! i ask how the hell did tt happen? he said, dunno cos everythg happens so fast. Sigh... let's think rationally n logically , shall we? i simply couldn't blame him n his ex, in fact i should be hepi for them cos they r my frens. Had been telling myself not to fall for him, cos maybe he find me very easy to talk or confide to or maybe juz treats me like a sister.... i hate it wen i put myself in this shit!

ok, a fani thg happen to me, sumwhr last week, a customer bought a whole bday cake n wanted to celebrate at the outlet. she was accompanied by this 2 men n it was Slam! i wanna ask her, u wanted candles? instead i ask, u wanted needles? Buahahhahahhaha..... wad da fark am i thinking? witches? hehehehehhe.... needles to poke in the cake? like a voodoo cake? wad..??!? hahhaha.. tt was fani. i was larfed by those ppl ard there tt i dunno n i go all red. heheheh. juz this afternoon, a customer, an old guy accompanied by a cute chinese guy, maybe his son, told me he wanted cappucino. i wanted to ask, strong or mild. instead i ask, strong or wild. hahhahaha... i was hoping nobody could hear me. but the cute guy heard me la. he look at me quizzically n larfed n im all shy again. heheheh... strong n wild... 2 significant descriptions of a hot sex. hahha... aint tt true?!?!?! ok... throw away tt dirty thots now. cos im having my menses cramp now. had been enduring it for the past 2 days!! gotta go. stomach's not rite!!

penat dokz!

2005-04-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey.... guess wad i found out wen i woke up first thg this morn? aku pakai seluar dlm terbalik seeyol!!! hahahha.... i think im too tired last nite, so i juz wore them without noticing tt its inside out. hahaha!! plain old dumb me!

anyways, so tired lately, cos been working n working, noon shift sumore, 4 to 1 am, like no life. hows thgs w me? okok ajela. sumtimes, ppl at work, brightens up my day. yes, im talking abt the t2d staff. they brighten up my day. a few trainees juz came in, a few hotties thoh. hehhehe, even emy's ex B juz joined us, he is so cute i wonder y they broke up, but i guess looks arent everythg, aiiiteee. but he is so cute, he will stand one corner, look at me, n ask, aida i dunno wad to do.... hahhahah...

the past few days, worked in kiosk, later in kiosk too. lucky do mid shift today, i luv doing mid shifts. first, work w mr. Yogi (hahahah..) den Jeremy. the past 2 days, i work w Khairul n Ellyas. working w them is fun. w khai, we were like eating non stop, got Popeyes, from an ex barista, who now works in Popeyes, den sushi, den sandwich, den cheesecake, seems like stomach gonna explode. hahha.. den w ellyas, i dunno y but i was craving for cereal, so mr. Nice went down to cold storage to buy me Honeystars, my all time favourite cereal. hhahahah. so, we ate cereal, a pasta frm outlet, sushi, french fries. oh my gawd!!! wad a food fiesta at kiosk. den, dis morn, saw Oprah on TV, talking abt controlling weight prob. hahahhaha... wad a coincidence. den last nite, went home w Naz, her bf pick us up, so i didnt take the ride w Mr Ah Guan. hehhehe... n i was shock to see my my pri sch good buddy, Ferrezan. last time saw her was in Hendrix..... she seems minah, thoh.

so far, onli talk abt the happy parts. last week, there were a few days wen i wasnt feeling right. i hate it wen it happens. cos it might affect my mood. told fanana abt it. make me feel better, a lil bit. but i guess she did get some parts of it. n there's once wen i was at kiosk alone, i dunno y, i feel so low n i feel like exploding, n i do really need to someone. n tt someone is really my best buddy, Raihan. shes the only person who understands my intuitions. met her up on monday at starbux n told her everythg, she told me to calm down cos she knows tt wadever feelings i hv, esp bad ones, will usually happen rite in front of me, n i will be like *snap* no wonder i feel like this. Raihan told me sumtimes i scare her... hahhaha... nothing to be scared of la... i told her juz appreciate tt 'it' doesnt happen to her. den, we saw Naz walking past starbux, so she joined us, at last 3 of us.... old pals reunion. we talked abt the funny thgs which happen to us in Perth on our educational tour in sec 3. damn funny. i felt better. mizz those days!! this sat, gonna go hrc w Naz, her first time, i will show her ard. maybe with a couple of her 'blue blazer' frens.

i gotta go... will be late for work....

not feeting rite

2005-03-20T23:45:00.000-08:00

been working in t2d almost 2 weeks now. Its not bad actually. i get along fine w everybody there. But sumtimes Ah Leng juz makes me laugh. Tip: Juz be myself n juz do wad i have to do, tts all. im living day by day. dunno wad to do with my life. someone told me tt after hearing my stories, she noe tt i wanna do alot of thgs w my life, but i juz cant cos simply not the rite time. but for now, i thank god, my life is perfectly normal, job is tiring but enuff to support my homies. i will not ask much from HIM.

have not been blogging for quite sumtime cos was quite busy n tired. so, now, in my condition (menses cramp... BAD!!) i will blog wad happen to me recently or feelings tt i hv for now, cos its the only thg which will make me feel better. im listening to K CI n JOJO, All My Life. the song is so sad it juz makes me so emo. ive never felt like this for such along time. I guess its menses. Ive experienced PMS this mth, like a week before it came. n this time i think its worse, cos it makes me very sensitive, emo, very angry at little thgs, basically my feelings. Yes n im even experiencing it now. i hate it wen it happens. i wish i could be the normal me. Even Irene said im not like the normal cheery me at work. True, i hardly smile n am always serious at work. dunno wad was i thinking. Blame it on PMS!!

im crying while typing this n hv no gd reasons y. i feel so lonely, such an emofuck i can be. i guess its juz those times wen u r alone n u cant think happy times. my cramps have not even subside n i definitely didnt cry abt the cramps. cos i can endure the pain. but i dunno y im juz sad. so so sad. i guess im tired... tired w everythg. wait... im not even lost. juz sad. i wish somebody could heal me. n i miss how thgs r last time. everythg....

..::: am really sad n definitely not too happy ::..

..:: cant believe i can be such an emofreak this time ::..

..:: hv not been shedding my tears for such a long time, i guess cant take it no more ::.

working at t2d

2005-03-08T12:57:00.000-08:00

this week is da second week i work in t2d. so far, ok la. at first i cldnt adapt to the environment, including the people who work dere. but now, ok la. the people who im familiar w is definitely kak nor, irene, farhan, amy, lynn(staff), ah leng, re nee n shi ting.

during my first week in t2d, i cldnt really adapt w how they work, cos some of dem are a bit slacking also a there's a bit of communication breakdown, less teamwork n all tt. n me? im juz doing the thgs which im suppose to do. ive heard alot of stories frm kak nor abt her staff. wah, they really categorize themselves to diff clans la. really diff w t2t, whr we juz be frens w everybody n frm there is whr we hv teamwork. n im like, wadever la. i came to t2d to work, i dun wanna get involve deeply w anybody. some of dem, their attitude can be really childish la.

ok, my mind's now totally blank. i guess im tired. gonna work at 4 later at kiosk w Shi Ting. Yay!!!!

hehehe...

2005-02-27T23:39:00.000-08:00

feeling kinda smiley n cheeky... hehehe.... juz came back frm chilling at starbux w my sis, heed n fai. need to release myself, so thx guys for making me 3/4 whole again. hehhehe. i juz saw someone whom i got a crush on. tts y make me all smiley. the embarrassing part was wen my sis was taking pics of me n heed by the wall, that person juz came out from the TM exit. i was so embarrased cos i was doing this cute pose w heed. hopefully tt person wont notice us doing tt crapo pose. im still embarassed till now. hehehe... i guess it make me go red tt time.. heheh
Anyways, i got to know from my sis tt my crush got a gf, cos she once saw my crush w a lady looking at some necklaces. so, the question now is, is tt really is my crush's gf? i dunno, but my sis did make my hopes so low... another ques is, will i ever get the chance to EVEN get to noe my crush? hehehe.... if there's a will, there's a way.

hv not been miting heed for a few weeks. miss her thoh. i thot today i juz wanna stay at home, den in the nn, heed called me saying she's alone at bugis now n wld luv to chill. im like having second thots at first cos im kinda lazy. but kesian dier, takder members, so ive decided to go w my sis.

Let's see. today nuthin much happen to me. its like any other day. i thot wanna chill tmrw w my fren but kak nor called me to change my shift frm morn to noon. ahhh!! darn! gotta cancel the chilling session w her. but there will be a next time. but tmrw im gonna work w irene, so ok la. she also not bad la. but tmrw, diff scenery, diff ambience, diff ppl to work w me... i guess im gonna go thru shitty again since im working in a diff place. tts work's life. im kinda tired but i dun think so i can sleep tonite cos i cant stop thinking of my crush. really!!!

..:: shitty thgs which juz happen to me, still running in my mind now, i wont forget tt, ppl ::..

..:: cant wait to work tmrw. i need the money ::..

..:: i wanna dip in the pool again, maybe this fri ::..

feeling fucked-up

2005-02-27T14:49:00.000-08:00

shit!!! i feel like hitting myself on the wall now, really!!! thgs had been so shitty lately, thgs which is so impt n so significant in my life. fuck it!!! fuck it!! fuck it!!!... im so angry, in fact VERY ANGRY at myself... wad had i done lately... wad had i done to make all of u not feel right?!?!??!! The bestest thg for me to is juz dun bother. but there will be times it WILL bother me so freaking much cos u all put such deep impact in my life!!! my relationship with everybody now is so complex n at times so hard for me to undastand. Crying is the another way to make me feel calm again... but these r juz temporary therapy. i had been very understanding at many ppl n been very concern abt how many ppl feel. but nw, to me, its juz worthless. No point. cos i feel like a fucking total useless bitch who is trying very hard to make the ppl ard her happy...,. but the end results is juz not there for me to smile at. I really had enuff. enuff of EVERYTHG!!! i think the best thg for me to do now is to ignore everybody cos everybody will be juz happy to be ignored by me!!

after reading this first paragraph, im stating a fact tt im now not happy at all. very nt happy. i'd like to be left alone for now. yes, alone!! if everybody will excuse me, i would like to rekindle myself n be back to the old me again. I guess this is like a total breakdown for me.

..::: true wad they hv to say in the horoscope section, this mth i hv a few complex relationship to face ::..

..:: really like hitting myself on the wall ::..

..:: my aunt told me tt all this thgs tt happening ard me, i made them up myself. if I made them up myself, y is it tt many ppl prove to me tt i really am in this kind of shit?? ::..

..::: oh yeah, maybe i am the only one to blame, i got it now ::...

feeling fucked-up

2005-02-26T22:21:00.000-08:00

the end of T2T

2005-02-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

hey peeps!! juz got hm from work. after work, me n rodi mkn w Kak Nor.. den we talk n laugh till 11. rodi was so freaking tired n sleepy.... there's one part, at last me n Kak Nor is da one who do the talking.. heeheh. As a promise to Rodi, we chao frm the staff canteen at 11.

last nite, i hv no idea how everythg n everyone is doing at the outlet cos im stuck at kiosk. but i know they r transferring a lot of stuffs to diff outlet, even kiosk. Too may stuff till there's barely any space. n i hv to stack up cartons of mineral waters, Esprit n muffins in front of the ice machine at kiosk.. kiosk seems smaller.

The staffs who helped out with the closing of T2T, went back at 6. B4 they go, all of them, drop by at kiosk for awhile. so sweet of dem! im so happy to see them!! Fanana, Rodi, andrew n SK helped me out in kiosk n i very much appreciated tt. In da end, there's 4 ppl at kiosk, running da morn slam. cool eh? best skali!!

B4 i end my shift, me, rodi n Lynn, take a last look at outlet. It was enclosed w white cardboard walls. Once Lynn open the door, i take a long look at my x outlet. so dark n gloomy. the bars r still standing. all the gd memories came back to me. its really really sad. But back to reality, its all ruins. seems like the outlet kena hit by the tsunami. hehehhe... drama tak?

..::: I got a kiss from Dibah n Wati... so touched ::...

..:: im really gonna miss my outlet ::..

hai!!

2005-02-22T23:39:00.000-08:00

hey, who said i didnt work mnite last nite? who? who? i did ok.... hahhahahah..... some of them were surprise n ask me, eh i thot u on mc.... hahaahhah.... well, i guess i shld juz come to work aiiittt.... i was not in a gd condition in the day, after i took my meds n took a rest in the nn, i realise tt its ok for me to go to work. n i realised tt it was the second last day tt i can really work like any other day. hehhee... so, y not? Anyways, me n some of my frens r really really sad tt tonite is the last day of T2T.

wen i came in, fanana open the door n immediately told me tt i willl be trasfered to T2. well, i hv no idea whether its T2D or T2K. i was a bit surprised cos i will be separated frm many of my gd frens, the only ppl who will still be at T2 is jeremy, fauzi, amir, SK, andrew, mastura n me.... hehehe... the Regulars... da ones who work like, more days. But now w diff OM la... Edmund. Im kinda sad also la, but life has to go on. At first i thot it was unfair, but u know, its work.... n i cant really choose. N zoe had been asking me whether i wanna transfered to T1DT n she will talk to Lawson for me. I dunno la really i dunno.... Kesian plak kak Mas... Apa nk jadi, jadi la eh...

At abt 0330, i went to T2D n met kak nor. She was surprised wen i came down to her outlet cos i didnt tell her anythg. N i told her tt now im under Edmund. N she's like, serious??!?! wakakkaka.... n she's like, da nk kena sms every week tanye schedule... hehhehe... ya lor, reminds me of last time wen she's still at T2T. N as usual, wen i met up w Kak Nor, there must be a lot of stories abt her outlet. Really, a lot!! N i dun really like it wen i hear her staffs call her, Kak Sissy... Ya, Sissy hv 2 meanings, a short term for sister or da other rather meaningful meaning, timid. But Kak Sissy, like very manja.. heheheh... entahla!! everytime wen i tok to her staffs, i will be telling them, oh kak nor like this n they will be like, kak sissy like tt.... hahhaha!!! but actually we r talking abt the same person.

So from nxt week onwards, me n da other 6 staffs will be under Edmund. To all my other frens, wish u guys gd luck n i knew u guys will be happy cos u guys can work together. But hey, we can still visit each other u noe n i know its quite impossible for me to go out wit some of ya. but one thg, i definitely, definitely wont forget abt r the most memorable times tt i had in T2T w u guys! Been thru ups n downs w u guys! All of you are the reason y i still stay in CBTL n i do appreciate the friendship tt we had. Wont forget tt!!! Luv U, gUys.....

..::: I got to know tt ducks cant walk without their heads bobbing, cute eh!! ::...

sick!!!

2005-02-21T15:01:00.000-08:00

hey there!! guess wad? last nite didnt go to work cos im still sick, sinus, coughing, sore throat, fever... at last. my body's so worked up, i guess... too many mnites n 3 consecutive weeks, back to back shift. at last im sick! started on fri nite... drag till today n i called lynn again
to tell her i cant cm mnite tonite cos still not feeling well. i think i juz need an old classic simple rest. well, sorry mnite ppl cos i still cant come mnite today. I ate my medicine but it didnt really work, n i think i need my rest....

.::: nose full w mucus ::...

...::: my voice sengau n sexy ::..

cramps!!

2005-02-19T16:26:00.000-08:00

Finally, period comes. n they leave me w painful cramps. darn!! not only tt, im down w flu too n i was left w a handful of chores to do today. n finally, im home alone, after so long. peace at last!! last nite after work nn shift, i hung out w fanana n 3 other t1 staffs at a coffeeshop nearby my hs. talking craps n all. at 4 plus, 3 frens of ours make their move first while me n fanana juz hung out talking n stoning at the same time, while we waiting for the first bus for her to go home. at tt time, i started sneezing, my throat sore n itchy eyes. dammit! i know im gonna be sick....

wen i started my shift on thurs mnite, i really had no mood. nt abt no mood to go to work but abt some ppl which doesnt make me feel happy or makes me think im a useless bitch. i dunno maybe its juz me since im having first day of period. maybe its juz little thgs but somehow it affects me a lot. first of all, definitely it starts at hm, wen my sis is very very rude to me. den wen i reach to work, Z told me tt K is very very mad at me cos i accept 10 sterling pounds which da bank did not accept. nowadays, there is always thgs abt money going on in da outlet. how can i be so stupid n so careless. feel like a total useless bitch cos its always K's shift wen i had some money probs la. n also during his shift, i was told, kiosk shortage 17 bucks. i dun remember myself giving da wrong change n i didnt EVEN take any money, not even a dime in my no-pocket pants. thx to all tt, it spoils my mood in the beginning of my shift. During J shift at kiosk, shortage of 25 bucks. he took out 10 bucks to pay back, n the rest was paid back by K. Z was not happy wen she found out tt J had to fork out cash to pay the shortages. Sumtimes i dunno who's in da wrong, us or the mgrs or whoever else is taking the money. Only God knows.

bcos of reasons, i didnt do kiosk on tue, wed n thurs mnite. But i was attached at T2D, thoh. T knew the reason y. N i was quite upset w A cos he's not being fair at all. if im not doing kiosk, it is usually SK or J. But A was not being fair at all cos he had not been working at kiosk for such a long time. I heard frm someone tt he didnt like to work at kiosk. but sumtimes u cant choose. if i dun like it, i still have to do it. like on tues mnite, i was very hapy tt i can work w my cuzzie, Diva. for the some reasons, i didnt work at kiosk n i ask A to do a favour for me: replace kiosk for me tt nite. he said sure no prob but can look in his eyes n face t he doesnt like it. he's suppose to go immediately cos F at kiosk is suppose to go back. Instead he continue closing EB n juz linger ard. wad da fuck! At last, Diva have to go kiosk. n recently during morn slam, i was doing cashier alone w such a long queue. to me, sum of the times its ok if SK is alone at EB. N so T is doing gourmet n service at the same time. which to me is not an easy task to run alone. i suggested to myself tt its better if A is da runner. He can help w service n also come to EB once in a while to steam milk for poor SK. Den once, a customer ask me to clean up his table. in fact, da same customer came to me 3 times. i juz cant leave cashier w such a long queue. so i told A to go since Sk was standing on the rite side of the EB whr he have to make drinks n called out their names. funny thg was wen i said tt a table needs to be clean. n i was looking at A in the eyes. He can juz stand there doing nothing, holding a milk jar while SK is busy doing drinks n he told SK to clean da table. wad da fuck is dis... its pretty clear tt he can do it but bcos of pure laziness, thgs r not done in the way it was suppose to be. He dunno know how to go w da flow AT ALL. if only i can juz leave da cashier... first of all, im not saying im gd, but wen u r in such a very narrow situation, we gotta cooperate n use our brain instead of our lazy butt to think. really. i was pretty mad at tt time. Cos sumtimes wen T is doing gourmet or service, I have to go to him n ask for some help n bcos of tt it slows down some thgs. only 8 pairs of hands doing everythg at the outlet is juz pure crazy. even on thurs mnite, the one who go to kiosk is SK, ( even thoh A came first) n he told me he knew he hv to go cos if its not me its him, even thoh kiosk is not his ideal place to work at. n now i know tt A can be lazy, n fanana told me maybe malas tua. entahla.. n i think its not a darn gd reason.

bcos of wad happen tt morn, it was da 3rd reason y i wasnt in da mood in the beginning of my shift. n it was bad enuff tt i dont even wanna talk to a single soul in the outlet. i juz want everybody to ignore me. i only started talking wen SiJie came up to me n told me tt Ted ask me to teach her how to close cake fridge. dats wen i started talking n laughing w her. i was closing muffin n helping her w closing cake at the same time. we had fun la.. she was a bit confused n dunno wad to do but she learn fast la. At last, the cake was closed n muffin was closed. she went home at 1 n i was left alone again. i closed IB, top up some stuff for morn slam, milk n cups everythg, closed condiments counter. gd thg i did a lot of cleaning up n topping up so as to clear up my mind w a lot of of stuff n to calm myself down. from 12 i started closing n doing cashier at the same time, i finished everythg at 0330, the time which i cool down a bit. at last!!

wen i was cleaning up, one the thgs which i was thinking abt is wad am i gonna do now? really, cos im really clueless w wad im gonna do. after i graduated frm ite bishan, ive oredi planned wad im to do but bcos of some thgs, im not allowed to continue w my plans n its like a sharp turn in my life tt i suddenly i have to change my plans. wen i thot tt its ok, for me to go to school, i thot wrong. cos i hv fazil n dilah to think abt. n now the best thg for me to do is work. many ppl say i shld get a full time job but less ppl undastand tt its hard for me to leave this job. i dunno y but theres smthg abt it dat dun make me wanna leave. my 2 yrs of being a barista, i'd been thru ups n downs. A LOT!! hhehhe... i like my job cos i can face w alot of customers n diff kinds of them. n its very fast pace. In CBTL, ive learnt a lot, workwise, behaviour n attitude wise, learnt how to be patient, to think fast, to think abt others, teamwork, a lot.

Me n my cuz planned to take management trainee in CBTL. ive thot abt it n i think tt it is the next best thg for me to do. But wen i told someone abt it at the outlet, he/she will say, get another full time job la n y i still wanna stay w cbtl cos they dun pay good money. well, to me true but sumtimes its not the money which i worried the most. wads the pt if i make gd money but i hate the work n the place. to me, to work is to hv fun at the same time to kill my boredom. ive applied w the full time job tt i want but they did not replied my application. so im like, forget it. someone told me tt u wont get an ideal job, which is quite true. wen i told dis to tt someone, he/she told me tt yeah u wont get ur ideal job not until u really try ur best to get it. well, true also. n now im confused. i thot of taking the management trainee for experience sake. but wen someone told me this thgs, in other words he/she is like trying to tell me tt taking CBTL MIT is a total waste of time w low pay n work like dogs. well, on the other hand, if we dont work like dogs, we dont call tt work. so, ill think abt it n will discuss it again w some ppl whom i can really talk to.

..::: cramps, ouch!! ::...

..::: im so confused ::..

..::: sick sick sick ::...

..::: period sucks ::...

..:: feel like running away frm all the troubles in my life ::..

...::: i feel so low, maybe its juz me ::...

despos!!

2005-02-15T08:49:00.001-08:00

hi there!!! juz woke up frm my beauty slp, gonna go work later at 10 plus. well, tts my life for now. In fact, is tt life? NO! I dun think i even HAVE a life! hahahaha.... i miss doing my old thgs. its ok, juz 1 more week. 1 more pathetic week! Haiz! Both my young bro n sis wants me to help them w dancesteps for their Teacher's Day performance. But i told them not nw cos im really tired. N they were like, Alah, kakak nie!! hahahaha... they hv not undastand yet.... its ok. well, insyallah, next week, i hv a lot of time to myself, so moz prob i can get a few steps for them. Maybe, i can tag along, Huda, jun's fren, to help me out w da choreographing. she's great too!

Now, im in love w Dunka, b2k's single n DIs Cant Be Right by 2Play. Really in love w those songs! Dunka is all abt having fun. u noe la! guys singing abt girls in the club. N Dis Cant Be Rite is basically abt this guy who goes out w a new girl but still thinking of his another girl. It goes smthg like this. DJ, play tt:

This can't be right
That it doesn't feel so wrong
But when I'm all alone,I'm thinking of you but I'm with her
This can't be right that it's you thats on my mind
But she's still in my life
But your the one that's stands by my side

Hahahaha!! this is so classic! okok, i worked mnite last nite n smthg happen to me. Dis guy wanted to get to know me. fine w me... while we talking, ok, we r still fine. then suddenly he started to talk abt relationships. still fine w me. den, suddenly he started talking abt he wanting to meet me again so much n he said he wanted to give me smthg special n he wants my photos. Wad da!! we've only known each other for a few mins, mister. but its still fine w me. den he started holding my hand. damn him! taking da chance to do so. we r alone at kiosk. hhehe... a bit scared la kan. den kak shidah, a lady who works at the GST refund, walked passed n she smiled at me. tt kind of cheeky smile u noe. den he wanted my number, ok i did give him my number. i regretted for doing so. n he keep on teling me to calll him after i reach hm, sms him if going back hm. wad da heck is this. we're not even a couple. n he's playing controlled guy.

Now, he's a total bug a boo. Really. n in the sms ive told him tt im not ready into any relationship. he said he undastand. n everytime i told him my reasons y, all his answers r all the same. he said ya la... we frens first, then we can be together, its ok i wait for u.... eiiiiiii, get real n get a grip! hahahha.. its pretty fani. he said he undastand me but i think not la. i keep his msgs, so any of u wanna read, go ahead. its like a comic strip. N da best thg abt him is, he juz broke up w his gf on valentines day. hmmmm.... dont u think its like a rebound thg? i did ask him n he said, no la. 5 words: All Guys R The Same. N da bestest bestest part is, he's one of da airport police. Memalukan ajer sei!! it goes to show tt some policemen r dumb n stupid. hahahhahaha!!! den after tt, kak shida stopped by n ask whether he wants to get to know me, i said yeah n i told her EVERYTHG. she said, Aida forget abt him cos these kind of ppl deserve to be rejected. She's rite u noe n she said, memalukan aku jer pakai uniform mcm aku gak! Relax, kak, slh dier bukan slh baju.... hehhehehe!! Anyways she is 25 n getting married in June. Yippee!! Congrats! She invited me to her wedding. cant wait to see her in those beautiful gowns.

..::: Its not hot
That you be callin' me stressin me pagin' my beeper you're just non-stop
And its not hot
That you be leavin' me messages Every 10 minutes and then you stop by
When I first met you, you were cool
But it was game you had me fooled
Cause 20 minutes after I gave you my number you already had my mailbox full :::..

..:: Cant wait to show u guys da sms, he's simply dumb ::..

girl power!!!

2005-02-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

this Words goes to my gerls.... luv u lahs!!!! hehehhehe

i made mistakes before but
i noe im not perfect
but its ok cos who could ever be
as long as i give my best
it wont matter wad no one says
cos deep down in my heart i got the power to make it all happen

throw ur hands up if u noe tt ur a star
u better stand up if u noe juz who u r
never give up, never say die
GIRL POWER GIRL POWER

At times i may juz feel like my back is to the wall
I hold my head up high keep n standing tall
i noe tt my back is covered
bcos we have each other
n we're down for wadever if u hear me, throw ur hands up

sumtimes life may get u down
but u better hold ur ground
cant nobody live ur life but u
stay true to who u r
n always follow ur heart

my rhymes...(as if!)

2005-02-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

wad da fuck wad da fuck

2005-02-13T14:51:00.000-08:00

Juz bought a perfume da other day. the newest latest Escada Rockin' Rio. The smell is ok okla. But Escada sentiment is the best. It will make u smell like vanilla. next perfume for me to get is Givenchy, nice fruity smell. Oh yeah, i wanna get Escada Rockin' Rio Body Lotion. Anythg for me to make me smell nice.

i rarely meet my girls for chilling dis week, cos im busy w working at CBTL. they got their own thgs like projects n stuff. So, i woont bother them. Next week, its still da same thg again. like no life, u noe.

Yday, i chill w my girls n our special guest was Ishak. It was unplanned. We met Ishak at Sogo then head down to Starbux to chill. yday chilling was fun. ive not beenlaughing so hard for such a long time. Thx Ishak!!!

After chilling, i thot i wanna stay late w fanana n hoody. fanana even thot of going warung, or we simply juz chill together. Called my parents to ask permission n guess wad? they dun allow me la! First of all, i aint even telling them a lie. They dun like the idea of me staying overnite anywhr. My dad keep on asking me den wad u going to do the whole nite at ur fren's hs? taknak tido ke? he keep on asking me am i not gonna slp for the nite? how canu slp wen u w ur frens? he thinks tt im like him? Membuta 24 jam? i xplained to him tt working 6 days per week is like farking shit, esp wen u do mnite shift n working w almost da same ppl everyday. he still ask me to go back. its either he dun undastand or he juz don wanna undastand.

Then i ask y is tt ms lazy plus bitchy can stay overnite at her fren's place. he simplay said tt was last time n she dun do it nw n he practically blamed me wen i REALLY got nothing to do w this. wad? did i teach her tt? wad da fuck???!?!?!?! Frankly speaking, im da most happiest girl if she doesn't even step into this hs. i know its harsh but wad do i care. dat ms lazy plus bitchy will ONLY listen to her frens or our aunties or kuzzins. i notice wen they r ard, she will play a role, being ms Nice n Helpful. Bullshit!! w her parents n siblings, she can be very rude n cruel. She may be reading my blog but i dun care. 20 yrs of my life, id been concern n undastanding towards her n dis is how she repay me. now i dun give a damn how she feels if she read dis. ok, i know how she'll react. she'll say, WADEVER n she'll smirk. Juz live ur own life, sister, if tt is wad u want me to call u, if u know tt tt is da life tt u want. i thot she change but i thot wrong. its easier to teach someone who is slow n stupid but not stubborn.

..::: Diva told us she loves us......awwwwwwwwwww :::...

...:: not feeling gd ::..

..::: parents juz dun undastand, they aint gonna get me, no no, if u feel me,
holla all the kids frm across the land ::...

bad bad week

2005-02-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

hello!! peeps of aida!! dis week had been a very bad bad week frm. In fact, not a lot of nice thgs is happening to me since the beginning of dis yr. n i sumtimes i dun see my point of making any new resolutions for dis yr. watever gonna happen, will happen....

yday i continued afternoon shift frm 6p to 1a. its so nice of hadilah to drop by at kiosk n help me, free labour somemore cos member had punched out oredi. she's one of the most hardworking person tt i know n very very helpful. i was kinda worried cos she worked morn shift. im afraid if she passed out or smthg. she said she missed working w me n wont mind working w me at all. tts nice to hear. n its pretty sad too cos she gonna transfer to Suntec w Celine. To my kopibin mates, Hadilah told me tt she regetted the times tt she was harsh n very firm to us back in t2t last time, cos she realised dat the t2t staff is da best staff tt she ever had. how touching is tt! she really misses us n yeah i miss her too. n i bet u guys missed her too, rite?

well well well.... my lifes a bore!

probs probs probs

2005-02-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

Hey there! had chill w hanisa, heed, rodiva and iza @ starbux yday. it was ok, its like we dun really talk much. Soon, one by one parted. First, it was heed, then ms diva n lastly, hanisa n iza. Fanana & Huda suppose to come but too bad, they didnt turn up. Fanana down w fever n huda w assignments.

After all left, i was alone, sitting at starbux, sipping my LF hot cocoa w no whip cream. I felt odd sitting alone but somehow my inner self told me to put my butt on the chair and juz hv my time alone, cos i know my mind's in haywire. Despite all the desperate calls I made to my frens to chill w me, I end up sitting alone, thinking. Its juz me, mmy LF hot cocoa nd the soothing sounds of Starbux Jazz album.. Ahhh.....

I had a fight w my dad. Well, not verbally or physically but mentally. Cos i think i have ENUFF frm him. I cant stand to hear my mum complaining tome abt my dad. But i cant blame her. Y? Cos definitely, she doesnt want to tell this to anyone, but me, her own flesh n blood. Da more she complain, da more i'll get frustrated. But i dun usually vent my frustrations on anyone. Been keeping everythg inside, hurting myself so much till i cant take it anymore. Every single day i was hoping for a miracle to come, my dad to change, but haiz.... to keep myself frm thinking too much abt him, is to work. But its a drag for me, cos im tired. really tired, but i force myself too.

My sis is back to her own self, sumtimes. But i ignore tt, cos i think i've handle too much oredi. It hurts to see her act this way. but i think, there will be one day, where she realized that she shld change for the better. I understand that she is going thru teenage yrs, so i juz let it be. Me, my parents, including my younger sibs, have to see n tolerate my sis's behaviur. im very very much concern abt my younger sibs cos they have to face shittiness at this age, unlike me n my sis wen we were younger and so carefree. Its really really sad.

I guess im not only having family probs but a lil bit of frens relationship thingy. i hv a girlfren, my age. she's someone whom i met during my pri sch days. I was walking in TM one day n i saw her. we talked n exchanged numbers. From then on, we started to talk on da fon, hang out w each other. She's a frm a girl's school, n so wen we hang out, most of the time, she will always saw her old schoolmates, mostly butches w their gfs n such. I was ok w tt. Then one day. she confessed to me tt she's not straight. im like, oh. n she's like nw in a relationship w a butch. im like its ok. She wanted to tell me cos we use to be close pals a few yrs back n we always share our secrets w each other, I told her its ok n im juz open abt it n she's still a gd fren whom i use to know so well. Then, i realized tt we were drifting apart. wen i call or sms her she wont pick up my call or reply to my msgs. even if she did, seems like she's avoiding me. B4 we drift, she told me tt she's having misunderstanding w her GF. a relationship w/o misunderstanding is not a relationship. whether u r gay partners or straight partners, its still a relationship. its meaning wont run away.

it worries me cos i dun wanna lose her. she's juz a cool person. first of all, i wanna make it clear to ya'll tt i dun have a crush her, i treat her as a special fren. wad concerns me is, is she avoiding me bcos of her GF? who knows her GF is jealous we r close. n bcos of tt, she's avoiding me. ive stopped contacting her but im dying to know wad i did wrong. Its so unlike her. i dun wanna lose her bcos i told myself t one day, i will repay her cos she had done a WHOLE LOT of nice thgs for me n i very much appreciate it. frankly, i always feel like an idiot if my call wasnt picked up or my msgs wasnt replied frm her.

To all my loving frens who hv read this chapter of mine, do u guys ever wonder how unfair the world is to u? Wen u r in deep shit, like me now, u will spit it out to ur frens so tt u'll feel better. am rite? But isnt it more suckier wen u realize tt all decisions must be made by u, u n u? cos nobody can ctrl u but urself. cos making the rite decisions aint easy. how u wish tt someone will filter ur burdens n sufferings but u only take the happiest n easiest part of life. tt is how i wish thgs r. my frens will always give me great advises. but in the end, no matter wad, ill be left alone to think n decide wads best for me. n it is not always easy cos i might be afraid of wad the after results gonna be. it can either be a happy ending or a bitter ending. n tiring cos i always think too much. deep thinker is my middle name. so, thx guys for always listening to my probs, even thoh u r sick n tired of it. i mean, wad r frens for, aiiiitt.... Hahahahahahha

...::: i wish thgs could be better between me n her :::...

Fuck it la

2005-01-29T17:12:00.000-08:00

fuck it! dunno wads up w me. Been down these past few days! not really, juz 2 days ago. dunno y. maybe juz family probs n in the meantime, i really dun wanna get invlove w anythg n anybody rite nw. Nobody will understand how i feel lately. NOBODY!!! Nobody can help myself but ME!! Its all ME!! I didnt attend my kuz's bday party yesterday, n i told my parents tt i work, n end up chilling w my peeps. im bad. today, my long lost best childhood fren's kuzzin is getting married, i didnt attend, cos i simply got no mood to. really wassup w me. anythg abt family stuff, i wldnt wanna get involve w.my dad will say, u having a fight w ur bf. i was so pissed cos 1) i dun hv a bf 2)reminds me of me in da past, which i really hate, cos it reminds me of how stupid i am last time 3) the real prob is HIM, its all bcos of HIM... i dun wanna face my aunts n uncles, cos i think they've given me enuff. i so ashamed to face them. they will ask me how cm im not schooling anymore. i wanted to aiiittt. but its juz tt SOMEONE in my family dun understand. w all the money i got frm work, i cant really enjoy cos i hv to help w bills in da hs. im so tired. im so tired of working, so tired of worrying, so tired of thinking. im juz a child, whom in fact, hv her whole life ahead of her. in fact, my dad scolded me cos ive been MIA wen im supposed to attend these occasions. Fuck it!!! Wad abt him? Jobless, yet he's still as lazy to do simple thgs like attend wedding ceremonies w my mum or send my siblings to their religious class every morning. My mum had done a lot. one thg ive notice abt married couples, first few yrs theyll be as happy as ever. after tt, they juz let all the responsibilities to the wives. n in the end, who is the one who really worked hard n really care for the family. Tts y the thot of getting married is far far beyond. cos i dun wanna make me suffer n waste my money which ive worked so hard for for those jerks. ive had enuff. so fucking stressed out now. my mum told me, endang, getting married nxt yr. Congrats!!! she's my age, n she's getting married. gd to know tt she's happy abt it. miss her thoh.

...::: im so tired, really the world is so cruel:::....

hi

2005-01-25T00:05:00.000-08:00

hey, its me again. i read my own blog. i really dunno wad i was thinking or really dunno wad to write on my blog on tt day. Such a log day tt day. didnt even go out. takut mama marah sebab mama off. hahahahhaha.....

at airport nw, gonna punch in soon. Last nite, i work at kiosk n guess who i saw. a chinese version of omarion of b2k. Gosh! i notice him instantly, cos of his nose. he n omarion got da same big nose. lololol!!! I juz melt there. even his voice sounds alike. It is such a coincidence. hehehhe.... im bored again. really dunno wad to write. aint thinking!!

...::: late for work :::....

achooooo!!!

2005-01-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

now waiting for my kuz's call to go down meet her at the bus stop. gonna accompany her to the polyclinic abt her face. she got acne prob, juz like mine, a few yrs back. i understand how she felt by saying, kak aida i want to go to NSC(national skin centre) ASAP. Ok, so we've decided to meet her up today. Happy tt my days r over. Syukur alhamdulillah!

Yesterday was hari raya haji. Went to dad's side, n get to meet up w all my cousins. Everyone was saying they never heard of me since hari raya aidiladha.How long is tt!!! hehehehe.... sori guys, was bz. Den went to my mum's side. we had a feast there. I actually miss my grandma n grandpa there. I look at them n i dunno y but i pity them. I was lucky enuff tt 4 of my grandparents r still alive. I have not face any deaths yet. So, can say tt i have a young family. I miss the times wen i was w my grandparents. i had alot of kisses frm them, esp my granda beside my mum.

Anyways, i miss my gparents love, esp. Now, im always sick i dunno y. its like almost everyday after i woke up, always down w sinus. Lucky i got the pills. I works thoh. Cos it clears my nose within mins. N im freaking bored today. Dun feel like going out but bored. N i dun think so i can go to Fai's bday party cos tmrw noon, i got to attend 2 family occasions. Im gonna be tired to attend fai's party cos im gonna work mnite tt nite.

got nothing to say really.... gtg!!!!

hello

2005-01-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

i juz woke. my nose is runny. w blood shot red eyes. dun think can come to work. im so lethargic, since last nite. i think ITS coming very very soon.

Yesterday is not tt bad. I had fun but not as much. But i like da place very much, compared to tehe 2 places tt i went too. nice deco, nice ppl, nice kind of crowd, diff kinds of ppl tt u can see. its all gd. To fanana, well, its not not fun bcos of da place. Its fun.... maybe we not use too da place yet. Maybe, huda is thinking abt the sem test u all gonna face next week, n rodi is tired cos she juz came back frm work. I frankly still wanna got there, cos i like da place. Even huda realise tt its not bad after all. All in all, its orite. Maybe we cant feel it cos we went to warung quite a few times, so its nothing new. U noe wad im saying?

Im juz so sick, got nothing to say really...

...::: Wonder y rodi wanted to go to tunnel so much ::..

...::: fanana, read ur blog, u r rite, if somebody likes u, they will wanna know ur whereabouts. Try to forget abt him. Maybe rodi is rite :::...

i dun wanna be like cinderella........

2005-01-12T13:20:00.000-08:00

wen i was juz a little girl
my mama used to tuck me into bed
and she read me a story

it always was about a princess in distress
and how a guy could save her and end up w a glory

id lie in bed n think about
the person that i wanted to be
then one day i realize
the fairy tale life wasnt for me

i dun wanna be like cinderella
sititng in a dark cold dusty cellar
waiting for somebody, to come n set me free
i dun wanna be like someone waiting
for a handsome prince to come and save
oh no, will survive
unless somebody's on my side
dun wanna be no one else
id rather rescue myself

someday im gonna find someone
who wants my soul, heart and mind
who'se not afraid to show tt he loves me
somebody who will understand
im happy juz the way i am
dun need nobody taking care of me

i will be there for him juz as long as he will be there for me
wen i get myself then it has got to be an equal thing

i can slay my own dragons
i can dream my own dreams
my knight in shining armor... is ME
n im gonna set me free......

i dun wanna be like cinderella........

2005-01-12T12:20:00.000-08:00

wen i was juz a little girl
my mama used to tuck me into bed
and she read me a story

it always was about a princess in distress
and how a guy could save her and end up w a glory

id lie in bed n think about
the person that i wanted to be
then one day i realize
the fairy tale life wasnt for me

i dun wanna be like cinderella
sititng in a dark cold dusty cellar
waiting for somebody, to come n set me free
i dun wanna be like someone waiting
for a handsome prince to come and save
oh no, will survive
unless somebody's on my side
dun wanna be no one else
id rather rescue myself

someday im gonna find someone
who wants my soul, heart and mind
somebody who will understand
im happy juz the way i am
dun need nobody taking care of me

i will be there for him juz as long as he will be there for me
wen i get myself then it has got to be an equal thing

i can slay my own dragons
i can dream my own dreams
my knight in shining armor... is ME
n im gonna set me free......

a new com!!!

2005-01-11T21:47:00.000-08:00

yay!! juz got my new com last sat. At last!! But its cellaron, not pentium 4. but higher ramp. can dl thgs n stuff but a bit slow than my old com. my old com is pentium 4 but lower ramp. thot of buying a ramp which cost less than 70 bucks for my old com. oh yeah, n grahic card. darn... need to upgrade my com. cant wait to do tt. but cant doit this mth. im gonna take thgs slow. i hv to be patient to get thgs, according to my dad. bcos some thgs r worth waiting for. cos who noes, prices for the ramp n graphic card will go low. so, i agree. I like my new keyboard. aint tt noisy, like my old com.

Guess wad! i actually juz mopped my house n washed my toilet. wakakkakaak!!! my mum had been nagging about us saying know how to use toilet but dunno how to clean. I juz buat bodoh for the past few days, till last nite i cant stand to see my toilet. So, juz now, after mopping, i told myself not to be lazy n washed my toilet. Clean now! feel so relieved. b4 my mum started working, our house is really clean. every morning she sweep n mop da whole house. even clean da toilets. it was so clean till my grandma told me tt my flooring gets thinner n thinner bcos of frequent mopping. hahaahhaa.... well, i notice it does get thinner n thinner. hehehhe... I miss my old self. Wen i was juz in pri school, wen we r still in da noon shift, i started doing house work, since 9 yrs old. Once i started to open my eyes frm a deep sleep, clean my bed, i sweep my floor. wen my younger sibs woke up, ill shower them cos they still in their diapers. sumtimes cant stand their diaper stench. wakakkakak... i miss tt. while my mum will still sweep n mop da hs n preparing da list of thgs for me to get at the market. Then, i take my shower, go to the market, den run some errands in da hs n den prepare for school. Fadzil n Dila was so cute wen they were younger. Haiz!!! today reminds me of me last time cos for the first time after so many mths, i woke up at 0730 in da morn n after bathing, i did my hschores.

I really miss myself last time wen i was young n so naive. wen nobody put such impacts in ur life except ur family. dun hv to worry so much thgs in life cos u know tt ur parents can settle for u, cos in my mind, they r adults n they r much stronger n mature than me. So, in other words, i look up to them. so sumtimes, i wonder, do my sibs look up to me how i look up to my parents? its hard to be the eldest. Im trying very hard to keep myself upright. i believe tt taking care of one self is a bigger responsibility than to take care of ur own hs cos how we present ourselves is very very impt. N i dun mean self-absorb. take care of ourselves to take care of others. maybe u dun get me.... no worries, ull realize it one day.

Back to now, im already gonna be an adult. im turning 20 this yr. cant believe tt! darn!!!! if only i can turn back time. to all those youngsters, dun grow up too fast. live life slowly n to the fullest. i say miss myself last time, cos i realize ive changed. its not only me, situations change n interest change. everythg change. last time its all abt family n school n schoolwork. Now, its abt frens n frens n frens. n boys n relationships. Ive bin thru stuffs, not a lot, but thru learning some gd n thgs frm other people , i do apply it to myself, i heed their advises. thru advises frm other people, ill try to balance out which is more effective n which is not.

fanana, read ur blog. wassup w u man? having some kind of relationship or self esteem breakdown? hv not heard frm u for a few days, suddenly u r like saying some negative stuff abt u? Relax, girl. i juz wanna tell u. In conclusion, all guys r da same. hahahahah. huda, i noe u heard this alot. but bear w it. im saying this to fanana nw. To rodi, wad da hell r u thinking? well, juz get it over n done w. I know wad u meant n i know how u feel. but, girl look on da bright side of life. U hv ur frens. u noe urself, guys arent everythg. no matter wad, ull always get back to ur frens. so sumtimes, no poiyong-yong-yong to sit n think n drag ur problems abt them. I notice tt if u did tt, ull end up being so tempermento n low. Now, we dun want to see u in tt kinda condition. y not, wen u r w us, try to forget abt them once in awhile n always be happy n smiley n juz create stupid n lame jokes w us. bcos i know, even thoh, u smile, smthg is really bothering u. so dun worry too much abt them, aiiit. huda? wen u gonna get a guy for urself? hanisa got one oredi n im happy she got one cos they look gd together. hehheheh... me? nobody rite now. trying ver hard not to get myself into any. but im happy w the way i am nw. somehow, i juz dun bother guys at all, juz let dem do their own thg, while i do mine.

...::: guys not in mind AT ALL, all i can thk abt is to dance, wakkakaka :::....

U got served, Baby!!!!

2005-01-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

Party ppl, where u at!!!!! been wanna shake wad my mama gave me. My precious booty!!! wakkakakaka.... Anyways so tired. believe it or not, i woke up early today n oredi showered....wah!!

been working thurs mnite, went back fri morn den work again 6pm to 1am. time is so cruel in t2t. sumtimes feel like juz giving up. i did enjoy myself. im only 19 n im a human too. darn. we live in such a cruel world, cruel time.

Da past nites, I had been working mnite at kiosk. So bored so lonely. But thx to da ppl who work b4 me, u spoiled my first few mins of my shift. THX A LOT!!!!!! Kiosk was real damn messy. thgs to take not even listed down. If i can do it for SK yesterday, y cant they do it for me? I told SK tt i oredi close da entire EB for him, close da powders area, wipe da whole bloody store. Wen he came it was all clean. He was shock at first. I told him all he gotta to is juz top up muffins or cakes n some other stuffs tt im gonna take for him later tt nite frm store. Thgs were already listed in da paper to make thgs easier. He thank me n say tt im his hero. I told him im a girl......hahhahaha

last week, had been a U Got Served week, da songs keep on playing in my head. My bro had been watching da movie for like 3 or 4 times cos he wanna catch up w some of da steps for his dance steps w his frens, while i wanna get some moves for warung next sat..... cant wait... im so stressed up w work. hv not been chilling w my peeps too. miss them deep deep.

~~ ms aida ~~

..:: miss my girls deep deep :::..

..::: still thinking abt steps :::...

HAPPY NEW YR!!! Hope its a gd yr....

2005-01-01T03:45:00.000-08:00

Hey pplz!!!!! 2005 is here!!! smthg to start anew, but have not made any new yr resolution thoh...heheheh... its okla, if thgs hv to happen, it will happen... hahhahah

Went to downtown east juz now to party of cos, but juz bcos of fights n a lil boy is missing, hv to stop everythg. in fact all of us are told to be at the downtown east foyer. It was quite a disappointment. Everythg didnt go as plan... but im juz glad tt i can see alot of my frens n juz spending some crapo times w them.... I wanna party but alas... haizzz...

Met my sec sch frens juz now... woahhhhhhhh... i really miss them, hv not seen them for such a long time, except for heed la... but i juz miss hanging out w them.... they r those minahs so im kinda odd to be ard them except for heed... heheheh....

Saw hanisa juz now... Phew!!! At last... for so many mths... i miss her thoh. She n her bf is so compatible to be together. I can see tt they can be together for long. Both of them seems so loving together. Now i do really understand y hanisa cant really spend alot of time w us like we use to last time. W school, social life, family n bf.... lots of thgs... Well, i wld like to wish them all da best n gd luck for the coming yr...

We chill at the coffeeshop nearby my hs before they head to ishak's chalet. I feel kinda bad not to attend the chalet w them... but i cant go out bcos my dad told me not to go out anywhere at 'dis' hr n another thg im working noon the next day. I know im working noon n i can get enuff rest.... but it bothers me a lot cos i hv to work da next day, i min this noon, 1/1/2005... So, im sorry guys if i cant follow u all... i wll sms ishak n juz wish him a happy new yr.

My dad n younger sibs went to Roxy Hotel juz now to hv a family gathering w my kuzzins n aunts n uncles juz now. I guess they must hv more fun than i am... i use to love spending time w all of them.

Anyways, to those who read these.... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

~~ ms aida ~~

Sinus Attack!!

2004-12-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

Hi, dudes or dudettes!!! Im so sick now... feel like having a fever, but not.... juz my sinus attack but do feel feverish too la.... haiz.... im working mnite tmrw... hopefully me ok.

Anyways, can u believe it, ive bin meeting fanana for da past 3 straight days, in fact, gonna see her again tmrw for work..... mcm matair siol.... wakakakakakak!!! but had fun thoh....

Went down to my aunt's rented small shop at singapore expo juz now. She's selling beatifully decorated handmade slothes n accessories, really nice stuff, but makcik, i suggest u lower down kan sikit ur price boleh? Hahhahaha..... maybe goign down there b4 work again tmrw, or maybe meeting Hafiz a starbux tmrw...(OH NO...!!!)))

He had been calling n smsing me everyday. So irritating. I feel so rimas!! Only da past 2 days had been ignoring his sms. Whenever his name appear on my sms, i'll be like, argghhhh...... pls la hafiz, kau bleh berenti tak? Si mr. J plak, tak ter-reply reply... suka hati kaula nak, kau da besar..

My family n i had been gd to me now.... so far, so gd, i like tt... but actually pretty hard on financial terms....darn CDC!! Doesnt really help tt much.... Let me tell u how easy it is wen u hv 4 kids, 3 schooling, 1 work part time, mom working real hard but gaji not enuff, dad not working cos of certain reasons n U only supplied us w only $100. Wen i say really hard on the income, means really hard. My dad quitted his cargo job cos his bones r not strong enuff to carry heavy loads. My dad said he told them he cant afford to do such jobs animore, makcik bahalol tu plak ckp, takper bang u can try!!! Really ah.... these kind of ppl... i understand u r doing ur job. Helping only doesnt work, u hv to understand us also. We r suffering, we xpect U to help us. n definitely TRUST. But actually im grateful cos we do hv our basic needs n all tt stuff. But sumtimes at the end of da mth, i hate to see my mom's look cos she's so worried everytime da bill comes. I do help her thoh. If i dont, i tell u we will be out in da streets oredi. N my dad. Its not tt he doesnt wanna find his job. Yeah i agree, he shld n he shldnt juz berlengah2 sit at hm. I guess only me, his daughter, can understand. Juz a few days ago, my dad is actually lying in bed da whole day n was complaining abt his backache. Pity him thoh! My younger sis is da one who urut him.

Hard being an eldest daughter. U r the one who is aware of the family changes but it seems dat u cant really talk to ur siblings cos they might not understand. Wen thgs happen, we get pretty emotional abt it. Wad do u expect frm a girl, eh. A girl will always be a girl. But it also teaches u to be stronger n a bit wiser. Wen thgs go wrong, u can always turn to ur frens. This is wad i like abt my life. I got a few of very close n trusted ones. They helped me alot. thx, guys. Wen im w them, im always happy, dun really drag my stuff abt it, cos one thg they definitely dun wanna see me not happi, If i show my look, den da other show my look, might as well no need to meet. Cos to me, meeting my frens is always smthg to be happy abt or to look forward for. I dun mind ya'll telling me ur probs. But always put a smile on ur face. Even juz a smile, will brighten up ur fren's day. Not only tt, it will make u look younger... He he he he... smile ppl!!!!

Talking abt frens... Hmmm... Sum frens r cool, sum r not. sum r always happy, sum r not... But wadever it is, u dun hv the rite to judge them cos they r humans too..... they hv da rite to act dat way, cos they r DEM, they r wad dey r. But ppl do change..... He or she can turn out to be good or bad.

Anyways, was very very pissed w one of my frens. She's having a gd life, like having nice parents, hv 2 older sibs n 1 younger sibs. She n her family get along pretty well. But one sucky thg abt her is tt she can get too emotional abt thgs, esp boys. Nie la manusia, hidup takder kesusahan, nak cari kesusahan lagi. Girl, if u dun worry abt GUYS so much, ur life wld be perfect. Thk abt all ur frens ard u. Think positive abt it girl. U r so freaking young, my age...u dun hv to rush thgs aiiitt. Ive known u for 7 yrs, but uve changed tremendously. THINK abt it girl. Its always da same reason y u guys not together. But wadever reason tt u told tt he told u, i still thk its a big crappo. Man, i juz wished i cld talk these to her..... But its fani if everytime i told her abt guys, she'll be the ones telling me, u sure abt him or u sure he's telling u da truth? Come on girl, u shld ask dat question to u more than me.... Im smart enuff to get away b4 i kena again. But U!!! U cld do better than tt... haizz... Bcos of this sumtimes she'll ignore me n some of my frens. Wen we got nothing to do w this, wen we dun get involve w da so called ur relationship, we get ignored by her, bcos of this she even put a long face w us. Her name's shirin. W such a nice name, pls pls put a nice personality w u, ok.... (I hp she dun read this... Wakakakakkak)))

Okokokokok... PPLs, im so so hungry now. my dad juz cooked a so called pattaya... Pretty nice... I wanna eat. Those who read this, pls do write back n tell me if im rite or wrong, i really do appreciate those remarks......

..:: Stiiuuupid Mr.J ::...

..::: Irritating Mr H :::...

Breathe, stretch, shake...let it go.....

2004-12-11T15:49:00.000-08:00

WasSup!!! How's life? Fine... How me? Ok ajer.... hehhe!!! Man, me freaking tired la. Today juz stay at hm n spent my time w family. Wanna go hiphop fest, 15 n 20 bucks! Kirim slm kat all da members dere la eh.... gua pokai...tunggu gaji!! Been thru lots ups n downs for the past few days! Haizz..... Needed my peace. Days at work? As usual actually but seems like im always da only girl ard there. A bit weird. So lonely... Oh, so freaking lonely... where my girls at???? Jeremy will be asking me y u so quiet? y u so down? u depressed eh? Masyaalah!!! It's definitely cos i dunno wad to talk to u guys abt. I always skip going to bfast w dem. Den, i guess Mr.Hafiz mad at me abt last sun. Darn!! Sorry if i cant hang out witcha on tt day. Like fanana said, he getting fresh w me. Hmmmm... well, maybe cos i dunno wads going on in his big little head. Den, Mr.J hv not replied my sms since last thurs. Haiz.... maybe i did say some thgs which might offend him or maybe not interested w me anymore. Well, expected la if ths kinda thgs happens. Guys!!!! 2 bad all of dem r the same.

So if u know tt u r down, juz like me, listen to wad MASE hv to say, breathe stretch shake let it go...... At least it will cool u down a lil bit.

Nothing much to say actually, even thoh hv not written down for so many days. Wen i really hv da mood to write, ill write aiiit.... in the mintime, chao....

~~ ms.aida ~~

..::: Dunno whether i still like him or not ::...

Pissed

2004-12-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

hey there!!! Yesterday nite was a blast!! Really had a lot of fun! After going to 'warung', we chill at a CLOSED starbucks, n we played some silly games!!! Very very silly tt i am da second last person to get da concept or motive of da game. Hates Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy....!!! Den, we went hm at 6 plus, taking da first train to my crib. Home Sweet Home. Pretty lethargic thoh!! There's like 4 guys n 4 girls.. Pretty cool!!

But before tt, after the 'warung' close, i saw a few of my buddies. My pri, sec n ite frens la!! Wad a coincidence! N the best part is, they know each other la.... Ms, Ir, Ms haslina, Ms Huda n Mr Hafiz. Miss these ppl! But the most shocking person for me to see is hafiz. He's actually my pri sch classmate for 4 years n he liked me since pri school. He got my number n he talked to me yesterday at 4 am to 5 plus. N he's so freaking nice! But im afraid tt everythg will came back to me. The last time i contacted him was like 6 or 7 mths back. N the first time i went out clubbing was w him n his frens, n tt was valentines nite. He wanted me to be his date. But tt nite, i saw another pri school fren of mine, n i dance w him instead. Fuck!! e was pissed la. Den, after club, he went to my gf n everytime i went alone, he ask, y i didnt go to MY fren. I juz kept quiet. Jealous! Wen i was walking alone, my gf went to me n i told her tt i think he's mad at me. N she told me, Of cos he will be cos he liked me since pri sch. n i was like, WAD!! TT's pretty long man!!!

Wen, i thot tt everythg goes nice n well w MR. J, then evrythg went into a bend, afraid tt he might be coming back to me, afraid tt he might like me, afraid tt i might like him cos i dun wanna fade feelings for Mr. J. Haiz....

Today is Ishak's pit day. He had a gathering cos he's gonna leave to Tekong on thurs. gonna miss him!!!!!!!!! Found out frm my dad saying tt i cant go. Fucking shit!!!! He's really getting on my nerves for the past few days. I cant stand da sight of him. He really make MY life difficult. Bcos of him, i always wanna go out, dun wanna stay at hm to see his boody lazy bum stuck at hm all the time. He really stressed me out all the time. I dunno how long my relationship gonna be like this w him. Now, i understand y many teens dun get along w dads. I see tt my mum always kept quiet n listen to wad i hv to say first but not him. I guess he's juz not like him lasttime. He really changed. As a daughter, i know i can make thgs better. Frankly speaking, its not his fault him acting like this. He also wanted to see us, his children, esp me, to be like how the way we use to be last time. So cheery, always sit down n talk to him, stuff like tt. But now, I guess im growing. There r times wen u r really selfish towards ur parents, u know da cause of it, u noe u can make thgs rite. But u hv ur stubborn-self. U know u hate tt, but wad can u do? Thot of leaving da hs, but pity my mum. i guess i need to hv my time alone.

Now, cannot go to ishak's pit. Freaking bored, while my frens all having fun. Im so sorry ishak!! I really wanna go la.... Darn!!!

~~ Ms. aida~~

..::: So pissed so stress ::..

..::: still miss him hor ::...

Bugger

2004-12-04T15:56:00.000-08:00

Wassup, Bloggie!!! Bin down these days. Yesterday me n some of d kopibin mates went to jln raya, to ramdan n elly's place. Da girls werent happy abt the da guys who will be travelling by car but us by public transport. Gotta noe it was Mr. Sally's, or also known as, Mr. World's, idea to ask izan to bring da car cos they working mnite tt nite. So gentleman of dem! So surprise tt fanana n rodiVa really spat them w their outrageously not nice words. Hahhahahah!! Congrats gerls!!!! N i notice da guys were quiet everytime fanana n RodiVa spat at dem. Den we went for supper at simpang bedok. its 0030 hrs n suddenly my dad called. He was scolding me on da fon n raising his voice. Funny thg is Mr. iShak was singing n my dad said like i went out w a lot of guys surrounding me n he accused me of tagging all my frens to go out w me. How crude is tt!!! I dun get him!!! If me, a girl cant go out w a guy? who else can i go out w? Might as well be a lesbo. Basically, all in all, parents dun understand. Anyways, not in talking terms w my dad. So fucking pissed w him.

But cant wait for tonight. Woo-hoo!! Lucky Faz, u r going to ZoukOut... Its ok.. Next yr ok?? lol... I wanna distressed myself tonite... Dance all nite long!! Im so stressed up. Lots of thgs going on in my head. Darn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel like screaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ive done tt b4,it works thoh..........
My frens, Cant wait to meet u all tonite. Ms. Fanana told me Mr. F is gonna be there w us tonite> Damn!! Dun really like him. F is his initial which also means in our vocab, Fake..... Mr. Fake.... Make sure he dun spoil da nite!!!!

Can't wait....

~~ Ms. aida~~

...::: Miss him ::....

All alone at last....

2004-12-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hey there!! Im all alone now at home. Yipppeeee....!!! Happi skali!!! Wanna know y? Mom n sis is working, dad n the other 2 younger siblings went to the zoo to meet their frens... wakakakakak!! Wow, ive never been to a zoo for such a long time sei. Miss da zoo... wakkakakak!! Anyways nothing much today but juz waiting for my time to go to work. Quite bored actually but i guess i need to stay at hm today. DUit Kopak siol!! Darn, cos NETS w my mama.

Yesterday during my chilling session, my kuzzie saying something abt this kind of Thing wont really last. Thing refers to a scene abt me n him, for examle, feelings r mutual towards each other but nothing new cos still frens. But i was thinking maybe he had his reasons y we r not together yet. maybe one issue is bcos we r different races. N maybe he's serving NS. Understandable. He said tt his thinking abt it cos hes taking it seriously tt make him consider abt us being official. Haiz... Well, i wasnt prepared either to be committed in a relationship yet thoh, but i like him n im happy tt he say tt. To me, i juz let it be like this. maybe wad my kuzzie said is rite, bcos feelings might fade away. But hopefully he doesnt n i wont too. In fact, i still like him. Id rather wait than being played again. If he thot tt us being together is not ok, im ok w it, htot its sad la, but wad can i do rite? I still hv my frens. N im still young, dun hv to rush. Am i rite? She wakes me up to reality but i dun think so i need tt rite now. Man, i hv lotsa doubts after she told me tt. Getting more insecure.....

Im gonna surf da web now thoh. cant wait for this sat..... relieve stress.....

~~ Ms. Aida~~

..:: Still uncertain abt thgs... haizzz...:::

had a fun evening yesterday!!!

2004-12-01T03:11:00.000-08:00

Hey there!!! Gosh, its 3 plus in the morn n im still not sleeping but decided to type dis blog. Well, sorry C.P, u told me not to stay up too late but too bad i cant sleep. He he he... Yesterday mnite at outlet was juz fine, normal.... so less smiley at work. Haiz.... But luckily got fanana to accompany me last nite but too bad she hv to go kiosk at 6. Darn!!! Lucky Yantie!!! Had our break at 0330 hrs. Had plain bagel n crm chz only. Den morning slam as usual. Frm 5 plus till da time i punch out, at 9 am. Den we head to t1t to see elly(miss her so much!!!) at t1dt, had breakfast at mcCafe, till 12 plus in the noon. Eyes so heavy but still went for a haircut w fanana. Im having a short hair now, compared to my previous haircut. Its ok, it will grow....

Den went hm, to find my dad hogging on my com, cos he said our com was invaded by worms called virus. It happens more than 5 times this yr. Bad huh? Com nie memang tak lama lagi nak mampos!!! Suppose to went out jalan raya w fanana but was freaking tired to do so but its really ok if we chill (suggested by fanana). I sms rodiva, fanana, hoody, hornysa... n FAZ!!! Yes, FAZ!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!! I definitely do miss her craziness, silliness, stoopiditiness..(hahahha) Too bad hornysa couldnt attend our chilling session cos she hv other stuff to attend to.

We all decided to meet at CBTL CSQ at 7 plus. Dat evening was a blast!!! (man, im smiling again... thx guys!!) We laugh non stop cos of some crazy shits dat some of us did. Sorry Faz cos we only met once in a while, so we better make the chiiling sessions worthwhile (Eh, it rhymes la...wakakak!!) It really was fun! Miss those days!! Den everybody was separated at 11 plus. Jumpa lagi faz!!!

I held onto my hp while waiting for the bus. I called kak elly cos i want to remind her abt tmrw's meeting, i min later noon, but didnt pick up my call. Maybe she's busy. Was surprised to see she called me n she's like, aida can u believe it, all this while im smsing to the wrong person. Im like, huh? she said tt all this while she had been smsing me but was wondering why i hv not replied her msgs n she thot im busy n im arrogant oredi. (Deng!) N i told her tt yeah i thot she also busy n she sombong to me oredi. She said no she didnt but actually sms to the wrong number n she's so paiseh!! Kak elly, kak elly.... Kau Memang!!! (its still da same her)

Den, reach hm, i wash myself, watch tv, saw my mom n smile at her. I showed my new haircut n alll she did was smile n she laugh. Darn, wad da heck does tt mean? Wen i showed it to my dad, he said, its ok oredi but wad he wanted to see is me in my own classic bob below-the-ear haircut. Tts da haircut i used to hv wen i was young, after my tomboy haircut. He said, i will look Cute w tt haircut (Blush!) It sounds nice wen it comes frm my dad, cos he had been living w me for da past 19 yrs n i guess he knows best. Hehehehehhehe...... My sis said i look younger. (blush again!) Haahahah...

Ok, i guess enuff for today huh!! Maybe will write again tmrw before i go to work. My eyes r heavy oredi. Adios, amigos!

This words caught me cos it is exactly how i feel nowadays.... still gotta learn...

sometimes I feel so down and out
like emotion thats been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs trials and tribulations
I overcome it day by dayfeeling good and almost powerful
a new me, thats what im looking for....

Yawnnnnnn........

~~ Ms Aida~~

...::: Still missing him so much ::....

Haizzzz..........

2004-11-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

Hey there!!! Im back. Wanna write down smthg here cos im bored! Du~uh! Haiz... woke up at 2pm juz now. Den later gonna go work, starts at 12 am. Oh yeah, before tt, meeting my peeps at starbucks for our talking sessions. Cant wait for them. I miss my gerlfrens, like huda, fanana, hanisa(whom didnt turn up for the jln raya thg...quite a dissapointment) n not forgetting my kuzzie, RodiVa(dunno y she call herself tt but it sounds cool n it definitely suits her). Realy can't wait to meet them. Den, after tt, gonna go work(Darn!) Haizzz.......

To tell da truth, I started discovering myself ever since i started working n i am more aware of the thgs which is happening ard me. N im glad tt i had a lot of very gd frens ard me n a few trusted ones. My aunt always told me tt frens wont last forever. I guess tts true, huh? I didnt figure tt out in the first place. But now, yeah i do realize tt. My past yrs frens are fading away frm me. Its not tt i forget them but situations juz dun allow me to see them. Even my besfren is fading away frm me. But she still da one who knows da darkest deepest secrets of me. She's one of my trusted ones. Wen i was in sec sch, I was always da girl on da down low. Wasnt much of a well known chick in there cos im da shy n quiet one. I was open to myself since i started joining music n drama in school n after O's i started working in CoffeeBean & TeaLeaf. N i definitely been thru a WHOLE LOT after tt. It was like a roller coaster ride. Frens stuff, family stuff, Boy/Girl stuff. Its a damn long rollercoaster ride I tell u. TTs how i became more wiser n a bit wiser. Im an optimist actually, But certain thgs will make me paranoid n its really hard for me to trust ppl, esp guys. Their swift lines really sux big time! My aunt told me t I can hv lotsa frens but not many tt i can trust even thoh i know tt person for a decade but she said tt i can always play a part as frens for my frens. WEll, to tell da truth, I do play a part but ill try very hard not to get involve in them. How i learn is i try to notice n learn frm many ppls behaviour. N i learn wad does my aunt means by getting involved in myfrens probs. Certain frens they tell me their probs but they will be like, u talk to my mom for me or talk to my boss for me. Wad da FUCK!! these kind of ppl bole jalan dah!! But its up to the individual to say yes or no. But surprisingly many of my frens r really gd n really nice, like da 5 babes, FAd, CP, Dibah n many many. These ppl r cool n real. N they really make my day! But for me to want to be ur fren, U r nice to me, im nice to u n if u wanna play me, Ill say go to hell! Frens usually apologise to each other even at the slightest mistakes.(esp my kopibin mates. I guess we we learn frm apologising the customers all the time, huh!) I can forgive n forget tt, but not the major ones. Im the kind of person who will accept ur apology but i definitely wont forget. Last but not least, if any of my frens read this, I do appreciate da kindness tt uve given to me, cos u r the ones who make me realise n make me learn.

Talking abt my family, we r perfect, mom, dad n da 4 siblings. But frankly speaking i can see tt we r drifting apart, cos my mum is always working but my dad now is not, for the time being. N it seems like i can only confide my mum to my dad. I guess shes the one who tied us together as a family. N now i only turn to my frens n i think its quite bad. I realise im spending less time w my family then frens. I guess the siblings rivalry is reallu sux. N i tend not to smile alot wen im at home then w my frens. Sumtimes im wondering wads my prob, cos its bad, really! Im a real family person i tell u! every sunday or weekends will hv a family gathering n all tt. Since my mum started working n my dad doesnt, n we r having a bit of financial probs, we intend not to go out alot. But i do, esp meeting my frens to relieve stress. I do cry to myself to make me feel right. It seems like i cant talk to my parents abt the probs tt im facing. Sumtimes i dunno wad my probs r but i know tt i dun feel right n so stressed up n im always thinking but dunno abt wad. If i sat in the bus, ill be thinking abt thgs tts bin happening in da past n currently. I do came up w answers thoh. Surprising huh? Hahaha..... Well, one of the days during hari raya, my aunt told me tt i care abt my frens a lot than family, which is ME last time. Hurts me thoh, But ive change n i do realise tt. Too bad it just happen to the wrong ppl. Haiz......

Abt boy/girl stuff.... Ha Ha Ha.... I was so freaking naive n stoopid at first. Tts wen i trust ppl a lot. He said this n ill be like oh, impressive. Now, wad da fuck. Now these kinds of words dun mean anything to me anymore. They make me feel numb towards them. Tts y i hv more gfs now than bfs. I dunno but juz da sight of them really sux sumtimes. Esp malay guys, they r very typical. I guess its easier for me to confide to girls den guys. Sumtimes i wonder wld my parents be ok if i get a chinese bf. Hahahah.... Its funny how i can talk to the chinese ppl easily too. He He!! COs its one the thgs which is happening to me currently. SUmtimes, to me BGR means nothing than friendships. Cos BGR can hurt u real bad! N tts wad i am afraid of. Ppl say juz forget abt my past relations n get on w life now. But sumtimes, u having a bf will mean nothing althoh it will help u in a way. Sumtimes thinks juz dun last forever huh.

Haizzzzz..... Sumtimes i do wonder, after i wake up, will i be looking forward to the thgs which is gonna happen to me any min? Bcos many times all i wanna do is go out n be carefree. Life sux sumtimes......

~~Ms Aida~~

...:: Still missing him so deep deep :::.....

Long day Today... Haiiizzz......

2004-11-28T11:47:00.000-08:00

Hi there! Im back... Let's start from da moment i woke up. Ive received sms from 3 of my fav frens, fanana, huda n rodiya abt whether we can go jalan raya today. But to no avail, seems like everyone have plans today. Den in the noon, fad called me to talk awhile n den her mom invited me over to watch movies n juz relaxing at her house. How cool is tt!! Tts wen i thot the fun is beginning somewhere. Wen i juz called her to ask whether i can come, she said her frens coming. Fine! Then, her relatives frm johor came down, den followed by other relatives. TT's wen started complaining tt she can't go out cos her house packed w a lot of her relatives. But she told me tt i can still come if i wont mind. I told her i wont mind la but i dunno many of the ppl there. Du~uh!

So, i dun wanna stay at home n i reached for my wallet den head down to the library at white sands. Thot i can pay my fines but it says tt my card is declined. Dunno wad da fuck happen. Dun wanna ask da makcik at the counter... she's so fucking rude. Damn her. Talking abt gd service!!! I was freaking mad. Then, i was like, got nowhere to go.

Den, i guess i went a bit overboard by asking him whether i can meet him or not. Surprisingly, he said yes la! I was on Cloud 9. Haizzzz....!!! Im all nervous n full of butterflies in my stomach. Darn!! I was talking to fad, a few seconds before he meet me n was begging fad not to put down da fon till he comes.. N she's like, Aiiddaaa!! (oops, sorry Fad)

Den, wen he came, im like all smiley, i could feel my face n ears were burning. N i think im blushing. Wakkakakak!!! Luckily i wore my cap to cover my face. Funny thg is: He talks but not more than me. Tts plain weird. But he cant stop smiling, like from ear to ear. N im like always looking away wen he look at me in the eyes. OOOhhh...!!! N we only see each other for like less than 2 mins. Got separated after we reach my bus lane. Darn! (Y da heck cant they make my bus lane further....) So, tts all. I guess he's stunned to look at me n im stunned to look at him. Its freaking funny!! Well... would like like to see him again.

Fad juz sms me saying sorry cos i cant come to her house n she's tired n wanna sleep. I said its ok cos there'll always be another time. Well, pity fad today!!! She really wanna get out of her shelter....

This is wad happens to me for the whole day. Pretty boring n plain. Nuthin' much. Haizzz..... But im happy thoh!!!

~~ Ms Aida ~~

im so lost.....

2004-11-27T01:49:00.000-08:00

Hey there!! Its my first time writing such stuff called blogs. It seems pretty cool, but its definitely sumthg which is not private cos ur frens can read it. But i guess its another cool way to pour ur heart out to huh. Virtual Diary! HAH!! hows tt? Anyways, im so freaking bored!! N so freaking lonely! Woah! been reading some of my frens blogs. Many stories abt their love lives huh. Anyways, im still single mingle jingle bell. Hahahah!! But i do feel lonely thoh. I knew there's smthg missing in m,y life but im always keeping myself cool. I dunno y. I have a lot of frens but somehow i feel so lonely lately. Haiz... Basically im LOST (thoh i know where i am) n juz lonely. I dunno who i wanna turn n talk to. Many ppl may thot im ok cos im all smiley n all tt. but somehow if im alone. i will be thinking alot but dunno abt wad. If ppl ask, how am i, i'll say im fine. thot there's alot of thgs in my mind tt i can talk abt but dun seem to find da rite person to talk to. Well, my frens will be telling abt their bgr probs. But i dunno wad my prob is. Well, if its abt a guy, there is la. but somehow tt one doesnt effect so much to me. its juz common thgs like, he's suppose to call me, but doesnt. i sms him, doesnt reply. call him, doesnt pick up. Darn him! da prob is, i miss him terribly, terribly i said. (but i guess he doesn't) Maybe im being paranoid!

Anyways, juz now watch SHUTTER w my fren. Movie's cool. Full of suspense!! My fren keeps on covering her face everytime da scary song turns on. Right timing!! So, wen she cover her face, i will too. So funny! Watching scary movie w her is like watching a funny movie. Hahahahah!!! N we've been chilling at starbucks juz now before watching movie. U really make my day, GF!!!! Thx a lot huh!!! for da Chilling n Movies. We really wash our eyes today. HAHHAHAHA!!!

Basically half a day at home was really sucky n bored cos i wanna get out of this nest. Dunno y but i always wanna go out. Dun wanna sleep. Look at the time now. He he.... den da second half of my day is pretty fun.

Now U know wad i meant by LOST! My day WASN'T even interesting..... Darn!!

i MISS him deep deep..... haizzzz.....